Mean Girls Stink!
Dear Mean Sarah McPain,
I, Phoebe, and Lulu, are sending you back your club pin and autographed/ lipsticked photo because we cannot include it in our election scrapbook. We are very sorry to tell you this because we thought that you looked very cute (for an 8th grader!) the other night, but after your rude behavior this weekend we have no other choice.
Besides, our Mom made us and she even called you a biywitch. What is that by the way? Are you were related to the Wicked Witch of the West? Lulu says not. She said that scary Pastor Muthee did some voodoo to ward of the witches, so you can't be related to Glinda, the good witch, either! Lulu said biywitch is a female canine! Holy biscuit! What kind of dog are you?
We looked at the weekend news this morning, and sure enough! Mean Girl!!!! We've met some mean girls before and they always end up in the same place! At the vet's office getting "neutered". Be careful!
First, it was silly-mean of you to say that Senator Obama is pals with terrier-ists. We are not personal friends with him at all, but we would love to be. Boston Terrier-ists all over the country would love to meet him, but I don't think he is friends with any of them! And if you are talking about that man, Mr. Ayers, who is a professor in Chicago, then lots of his students are in big trouble, aren't they? Cause they are friends with him too! Wow. You have a pretty good imagination for make-believe stuff. Kind of like the same way you make-believe that you could be President!
Then we also read that you said that Katie Couric annoyed you and so you were mean to her! That is just not nice. We've known Katie a lot longer than you and that is a dumb thing to do to someone who is so popular with all the other kids. And we heard that you were mad at her cause she asked you lots of questions you didn't want to answer. You did that to Gwennie Ifill too! You said you wouldn't answer questions you didn't want to, and everyone says you didn't answer any of them! Wow, you are sure adding up the mean girl points here.
Tell you what! Lulu and I will hold a page for you in our scrapbook in hopes that you get nicer and learn what Mom calls humility. It is something, she tells us, that might result from an Achilles heel lesson! You apparently never met Achilles either? He is a very nice French Bulldog who lives in Paris. We are good friends with him. And as far as we know, he heels quite well these days because he has lots of lessons with his trainer!
We have some suggestions for you that might help you quit being a mean girl. First, try some yoga. We do yoga for dogs on a regular basis and find that it helps keep you balanced, and frankly, regular. A bitty little poop afterward, followed by a treat, and we think that might just be the trick for you too.
Next, lighten up on the lipstick. It could be that putting it on too thick makes your lips want to scrunch up under the weight of it all and ramble off any old brain fart.
Think before talking! We were taught that thinking before we woof always makes for a more expressive and impressive communication! Try it! We find that humans always listen to us if we woof thoughtfully! And our mom tends to drink less if we do!
And by the way, very sorry for the creases in the photo we are returning! We had to fold it a bit to get it into the poop bag, because we only have access to the used ones. We certainly hope the leftover poop didn't ruin it, and we hope we put enough postage on it! I found a perfectly good 2 cent stamp in the garbage, so I used that.
Sincerely (not),
Lulu and Phoebe
co-presidents of the Terrior-ists girls club- no mean biywitch girls allowed
UPDATE!!!!!
Oh dear! Apparently yesterday in Carson, CA, in Orange County (another shade of red), Palin told the rally crowd of 5 that she read her Starbucks coffee cup quote that morning and wow! It was a Madeleine Albright quote. So she told the crowd that M.A. had said: "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." Meaning her! Mean girl!
WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! You may be able to toot on the flute you mean girl, but you can't even read the sentence correctly! It goes like this : "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women." - from M.A. It wasn't even a political statement either. Here is the linky:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/05/palin-misquotes-albright_n_131967.html
Lulu and I are so so embarrassed that you would make this weekend mean girl thing a trifecta, that we are taking back our offer to hold open that page in our scrapbook. It will now go to Madeleine Albright! Right after we read her latest book, The Mighty and the Almighty!
Our mom is already opening the bottle of wine and it isn't even 2Pm! Good thing we tivo'd Saturday Night Live for her! SP! How could you! Madeleine Albright is a national treasure. Argh.
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