Big Bad Mean Media Gives McPalin Constitutional Constipation

Lulu and Phoebe are actually sleeping right now since they will be up late for Halloween. But before dozing off, they suggested that it would be a good idea if someone might send McPalin Constitutional Cliff notes for Dummies. Good idea Lulu and Phoebe!

Today, Palin actually said, with brother Todd hanging nearby, that the Press (and I give them a big P here) are infringing on her 1st amendment rights because they are pretty much making fun of everything she says. Hello?

I can't wait for the Olbermann video to hit the Internet. I can almost hear him right now. Governor! The press is obliged to speak freely however the heck they feel like. As are you. That is what the 1st amendment protects. Free speech. Even for the press. You ninny. It even protects your right to speak stupidly which you take advantage of every single day on national TV no less.

I could not make this up if I tried so here it is:

"In a conservative radio interview that aired in Washington, D.C. Friday morning, Republican vice presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin said she fears her First Amendment rights may be threatened by "attacks" from reporters who suggest she is engaging in a negative campaign against Barack Obama.

Palin told WMAL-AM that her criticism of Obama's associations, like those with 1960s radical Bill Ayers and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, should not be considered negative attacks. Rather, for reporters or columnists to suggest that it is going negative may constitute an attack that threatens a candidate's free speech rights under the Constitution, Palin said.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

And there you have it. So if anyone wants to donate a book called Constitution Lessons for Idiots, please send it along to the Governor's bordello, oops, office, in Alaska where she will be after next Wednesday. She's all yours Alaska!

Four more days to go.

2012? Think Again Miss Alaska #2!

Guess who isn't going to be on the White House Holiday Card list?

With a mere six days to go, (wasn't the earth "created" in six days?) the latest news should have you reaching for the Maalox. Or the wine bottle.

First the good news. Even with all the brouhaha that McCracker keeps alluding to, nothing seems to be happening to their numbers except a nosedive. It looks like President Obama will be with us in just a few short days, and hopefully with a landslide that no hanging chad can undo.

The bad news? Today it was reported that big old strategy meetings are taking place and will take place in the Republican camp (read: the far right camp) that will include discussions of Palin on a ticket in 2012. Yes, indeed. Get back up on that chair. You read that correctly. Miss Alaska #2 thinks she has the stuff to run for the Presidency.

Yesterday when asked by a news reporter if she (Palin) thought she was an intellectual, she said "absolutely, you betcha". And she continued (in my head)....

I am a smart person, that is, I mean I am an intellectual that can read. Books and newspapers and things. I can execute executive things when that is for energy policy. I am a Governor of a state that is larger than Russia which I can see from my house. I have a First Dude who has also seen Putin's eyes from my house. I have a wardrobe that is going to charity after I wear it for the time which is to have an opportunity to explore energy policy and the Bush doctrine. I have shoes that are not comfortable and an infant that really is just an infant, that is, an infant that is not mine, but mine in that special special way. And don't tell Hasselbeck but I do know a Jimmy Choo from a Manolo. I was just kidding when I said Johnny Choo because I could, that is, Hasselbeck is my BFF. Hehehe. It's like Olive the operator. Or Ted the tailor. Or Sarah the President. Hehe. That's me, that is, that is me in 2012!

Or not. Let us hope that after finding Steven's guilty the Alaskan crew has finally realized that they don't have to settle for moronic village idiots. Let us hope that they put Sarah Barracud-ass back where she belongs. At the car wash with First Dude car washer, Todd.

Lulu and Phoebe are hiding under the bed for the next six days.

Another Separated at Birth Moment: Hasselbeck and McPalin

The crowd of 15, and First Dude, applaud Lizzy announcing that she and McPain are BFF!

Oh boy. This one can't slip under the radar, although it deserves to. I told you Hasselbeck and McPalin-ista are BFF. Now it is clear why. The two were probably separated at birth. At the very least, they both attended the school-for- the-righteous-far-right who would rather gag than speak in complete sentences. Think we are joking?

"On Barbara Walters' Sirius radio show Tuesday, "The View" co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck lashed out against the campaign's ad buy, calling it "repulsive." Mark Halperin reports Hasselbeck's full comments:

Obviously both sides are trying to run and create image. So if we use this as, so they both have funds and are creating an image, making sure their candidates are where they need to be seen, as they need to be. I find it completely then repulsive to then - if we want to look at spending - see how Barack Obama now is going to spend what $3 million on two thirty minute ads that are going to run this week."

And just in case you may have mistaken that quote for a Palin-bite, here is the link to the article. It was talking about Obama's big 30 minute advertisement tonight and for some reason they thought Hasselbeck's quote was pertinent.

Perhaps for some humor, but not for much else.

One more week kids. One more week!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/28/cnn-rejected-obama-half-h_n_138687.html

Can I Get a Double Latte and a Chocolate Elephant to Go?

yummmm.....chocolate elephant!!!

This is probably going to fall under news of the bizarre but we felt like this little piece needed a showcase. In reviewing more of the RNC's campaign-assisted spending to (not) elect McCracker and his trusty rogue sidekick, Sarah McPain, there seem to be more odd expenditures. Sure, it is pretty much the nickels and dimes of the campaign funding, but since it is out there, we can absolutely make fun of it all. Hello 1st Amendment (Yes, McPain, that is from the Constitution too!).

This little part just made us snicker. Chocolate elephants, milk, dark and light. What the hell is light chocolate? A musketeer elephant maverick-style? Seriously. If anyone knows what light chocolate is, please do tell. Here is a little snippet from the article:

"That same committee also purchased $3,589 worth of elephant shaped chocolates from a sweet shop in Dallas, Texas. "They bought about 1,000 pieces," said the storeowner. "About eleven ounces a piece in all three types of chocolate: milk, dark and light."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/27/the-gops-bizarre-purchase_n_138219.html

Earthquake in Florida This Weekend?

Excited Elisabeth and BFF: wondering if the goody bags will come with extra sweet tarts?

Oh. Goodie. If you feel the earth move under your feet this weekend, don't fret. It isn't an earthquake. It would be the vortex moving a bit to suck in the air that both McPalin and her new identical cousin, (according to Rosie) Elisabeth Hasselbeck, are spewing in Florida.

Apparently Elisabeth, giddy with middle school lunch-room excitement announced on the View, that she was asked by Sarah Palin to join them in Florida to help the McCracker campaign this weekend.

"The View" co-host said Thursday the McCain campaign contacted her a day earlier, to convey an invitation from Palin to introduce her at rallies Sunday in Florida.

"I am more than honored to be there, so I will be flying there to travel with her and meet some pretty interesting people, I have a feeling," Hasselbeck said. "That's an honor, I'm excited to do it, and I'll have some stories I'm sure on Monday."

Lulu's comment was that Florida was pretty warm, even in October, and both of them should make sure their make-up doesn't run. After all, for $22K, your stylist should get you some pretty damn good non- smeary stuff. When I told Lulu how many Louboutins you could buy for that much money, she left the room completely disgusted.

Phoebe stuck around to ask about Hasselbeck. She thought perhaps it was something she could gnaw on, but when I told her it was the annoying village idiot blond on the View she knew exactly who I meant. Apparently Pheobe is only familiar with her bobbleheaded mouth moving in silence because I mute the television when Elisabeth speaks. Bad enough she is sitting in my room in HD! But at least I can mute her whiny tantrums. Disappointed that Hasselbeck was not actually food, Phoebe left the room too.

So there you have it. No comment from Lulu and Phoebe except to say. Ack. Who cares?

From the look on Elisabeths' face, she does. Maybe she and Sarah can talk about the US Constitution and which Article the Bush Doctrine comes from..... Hint: not Article Two.

Or maybe they will the spend time getting tips from the make-up artist who earns more than anyone else in the campaign.

LOOK! Palin is VOTING for THAT ONE!!!

Photo by Max Whittaker/Getty Images

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is kind of dense. One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is the village idiot!

Lulu, Pheebs and I had a fashion post all lined up, but when we saw this, there was no turning back. Seriously, kids! Let's add it all up.

• First, late July, Palin is interviewed and says she has no idea what the VEEP does.
• Second, Plain says in "her own debate", that she want to be a VEEP just like Cheney!
• Third, a 3rd grader asks her the VEEP job and she still screws it up!

And here is the best commentary we saw from our friend Keith Olbermann. Don't sip your coffee while you watch or it will be all over your monitor!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/2 ... 36733.html

Dense yesterday.

So we know she is still dense today . A bit egomaniacal. And well, a bit ignorant. But seriously. Does she absolutely not know the difference between a donkey and an elephant? Has she not paid any attention to the party logos?

And let us hope that the scarf was not paid for by the RNC! Embarrassing!

And Governor? Joe Biden pretty much already has the job offer!

I Be the Boss of You All: You Betcha

When I asked Lulu and Pheobe to review this YouTube video of McPalin (otherwise known as the lost Avon Lady) answering a question from a 3rd grader, I knew we were in for some real entertainment. The question was simple. What does the Vice President do?

Once the video was underway, I heard the piggie snorts right away. Pretty soon Lulu and Phoebe we doing the happy bitey face dance because, well, that is what Bostons do when they are giggling. The things they were saying as they danced were unfortunately not repeatable here.

Seriously, you must watch this video and save it. It might be worth money someday, that is, if we ever have any currency available again in the United States. It could be a Jeopardy question or it could be a trivial pursuit, Idiotic Election Edition, or it could be in your grand-children's American History textbook under morons who actually ran for office way back when the dinosaurs rumbled around the planet.

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/10/21/palin-vp-senate/

Lulu's reply once she stopped snorting snot all over the room was to ask if Palin had ever finished 6th grade? And Phoebe said that Harry Reid would set her straight. And Harry Reid did set her straight (see the link)!

If the Veep were in charge of the Senate, Sarah, don't you think that Dick Cheney would have made it his mission to lock most of them, oh say, 49% of them, out of their offices by now? And there isn't a chance in hell that he would have allowed You to be his heir. If there is a Cheney heir to the Senate, it might be Katherine Harris. After all, Cheney does owe her a favor.

First Dude Todd & McSunshine: Say What?

Lulu and Phoebe snooze while dreaming of America's core values.....

Today First Dude, Todd, had an enormous responsibility to uphold for the McCracker/McPalin ticket. It was his turn to incite the troops, otherwise known as the rally ghosts. Apparently they allowed him three minutes, which we hear is the extent of his marginal abilities for public speaking without breaking into pieces from the stress of it all.

But today he spoke. Aloud. And said that this campaign (McCracker's) was about getting back to America's core values! "Hunting and fishing". Yes, indeed, these were the words First Dude said. Apparently we all had forgotten those true core values.

However, those of us living in core-value-less urban areas should be reminded that hunting and fishing can be had here too. Just recall what the day after Christmas looks like at Macy's. And Target. We can call that hunting and fishing if you like.

And the other day, McBarracuda was saying to her ghost rally crowd of fifteen, in a small town that she was so happy to among those who were pro-America. Versus those not pro-America, which would be the remainder of the country.

Hey! We hunt and fish too. Even if the prey might be a spectacular Manolo at Neiman's annual shoe sale, or an Armani at Nordstrom's semi annual men's sale. And don't even get me started on the skills it takes, those core value skills, hunting and fishing, to score the best and freshest cupcake from Magnolia Bakery!

Lulu told me that she hunts daily. For the non-pretend credit card that will actually score her some Christain Louboutin's. And Phoebe's reply when asked about hunting is that she prefers to fish. She enjoys fishing the crumbs out of the sofa because they are quite tasty, even days later. Who needs fresh fishing.....

So there you go First Dude Idiot. We all subscribe to those core American values that you speak of (in your 3 minutes of fame). And to you McPalin - yes, indeed, those of us not in small towns are totally not pro-American.

That is why we are voting for That One......and not you.

McCracker and That One Get Married!

I, McCracker, take thee, That One....

Lulu was beyond excited when she saw this photo because she knew what it meant. Phoebe also had a good idea of what was going on. Both agreed that it was sincerely the sweetest thing they had seen in months, McCracker marrying That One. But Lulu was more excited in anticipation of her upcoming issue of People to view the rest of the photos that would show that there were bunches of Christian Louboutin shoes at the wedding. Everyone wears Louboutins to weddings she exclaimed with glee, doing a happy dance.

Phoebe on the other hand was eager to see what they would be serving for wedding cake. Cake is especially delicious on these special occasions says the fluffy one.

But now they both are in bed, tucked away, probably dreaming of red sole stilettos and giant buttercream frosted cake. I really don't know how I am going to tell them in the morning that the wedding of the century was just a dress rehearsal for January 20th.

Watching the Debate in HD: Holy Cow!

huddled together watching the debate

Lulu and Phoebe dominated the space in front of the television last night watching the showdown in HD. It wasn't long before they scrambled from the room in fear because up close and personal, the sneering, spittle driven McCracker literally scared the shit out of them. I should send the carpet cleaning bill to your campaign Senator?

This wasn't even a draw. President Obama held his own and then some.

The scariest part of the whole thing was Bob Schieffer and his maniacal grin. Apparently he wanted to win the election himself. You know the one. The election for the most creative 2008 Presidential debate moderator. He came up with some crazy questions that merely drowned out the candidates ability to answer better questions that we care about. But Gwen Ifill wins hands down. The woman had a broken ankle and she put up with the crazy one in stilettos.

But one question that Schieffer did ask was a doozy. The Veep question. We were hoping that McCracker would rise to the occasion and say what we all know. That McPalin is really Dick Cheney, after his successful gender change surgery, with hair extensions and stilettos. But nope. He never fessed up. Just mavericked her to pieces. And ever the gentleman, President Obama took a pass on the obvious.

Lulu felt that the blinking thing McCain had going on was a new twitch to add to the list of stuff he does before he cracks. She again suggested that perhaps his girdle might have been too tight. She was concerned that he might just explode like a runaway popcorn kernel.

Speaking of, Phoebe was angry with McCain because when they ran for their lives after he laid out the first hatchet chop with his arm and the spittle was coming at them in HD, the popcorn scattered all over the room. Now that really isn't much of a problem for her since she has a keen nose, but that meant that the butter would also be scattered all over the room too and there isn't anything worse than wasting fine butter on a rug!

Is it election day yet?

The MisEducation of McPalin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oro2Yh9HoEM

Take 3 minutes and watch this YouTube video. This is McPalin before she was cast in the role as Wonder Woman in stilettos. You really have to wonder what they were drinking (as in the kool-aid) when they picked this lunatic.

The two major questions asked are about the upcoming trooper-gate, and the chance that she might be the VEEP pick. The Veep question begins at 2:08.

It is not even clear that she knows what a Governor does, let alone the Vice President of the United States. Perhaps she skipped high school US History class? Clearly, she has yet to meet her role model, Darth Vader Cheney? As far as we know she still has not met his highness who hides in the mountain. Perhaps that will happen once they learn that they both love to shoot. At anything. (Hello Harry Whittington). So much in common. Cheney flunked (oops, dropped) out of Yale. McPalin dropped out of several community colleges and yet won the title of Miss Congeniality. Congratulations Sarah!

A suggestion before viewing. A large glass of merlot.

The Morning of the The Last Supper: BOLO!

Be On the Look Out! The last supper, um, debate!
Stand-ins: Phoebe, Gordie and Lulu

Of course, Lulu and Phoebe came running as soon as I said "supper". But when I mentioned that I was talking about the upcoming final debate tonight, they shrugged and asked, " will they be serving dinner?"

Very funny! However, after a moment's thought, I wondered that myself. After all, the candidates will be sitting at a table, both in view of the camera shot. Shouldn't we get a glance of how they manage to use their table silverware if the service was set for, oh, perhaps a formal White House dinner?

That would be ever more amusing, and frankly, more informative than what we have to look forward to tonight otherwise. We know the mantra very well by now. Even Lulu and Phoebe can say it. Three weeks is forever in politics. Three weeks. Forever!

The pundits are out like trick or treaters today, already with the rhetoric of tonight's chat fest. Which McCracker will show up? How will Obama handle the Ayers questions? Will McCracker have anything to say that will turn the tide? Will Sarah McPalin pop in with first dude and translator, Todd and call Obama a terrier-ist? (again, Lulu and Phoebe say they have NOT met Obama yet!).

But just in case you are wondering about tonight here are some truths to take with you on the way to turning on the television.

First. They will be seated.



Second. They will speak.



Third. The moderator will attempt to ask questions to which no one will answer.


Lulu and Phoebe have been digging in the dirt, so to speak, and they have more to tell you.

If McCracker starts to lose it, this is what you will witness if you pay attention, and probably in this order. Watch for the foot shuffle, the knees to jitter about. Then watch for the arms to do a similar dance. And keep watch in HD for the red to radiate from under the forty-five pounds of pancake makeup on his face. Look for a little spittle. The sneer. The smile that scares little children (and dogs) from the room. And there you go. The next words out of his mouth will drip with contempt that he will barely be able to contain.

Next, Bob Schieffer will ask amiable questions, but watch his body language. How much deference does he show to each candidate. It will not be equal because he is human. That my dear friends, is the clue. The person who receives the highest level of deference will be our next President. Look for it. that deference might show up in the following ways - a curtsy, a bow, or it could be a slip of the tongue with the word ruler or royal highness tossed in there.

And last, listen carefully. You want to make sure that you hear whether there are any issues aside from the blah blah blah rhetoric. Is Darth Vader there again? Lizard tongue man? Will we be called "my fellow Canadians" or "my neighbors"? Will Obama give a shout out to Bubbe and Zadie in Palm Beach County? Will McCracker call Palin his mate (as in wife)? Will Bob Schieffer ask anyone about their plans for ruling the nation? Will first dude, Todd, run up to the table to translate for McCracker like he does for McPaln? Will Cindy bring her twin Malibu Barbie? Will Michelle....ok, got nothing....the woman is just too normal! Will McCracker call himself a maverick 35 times? Will we be his "friend" again 22 times? Will Obama self-edit to stop using half sentences to start his, yes, let's talk about the economy, Iraq, health, but more to the point......?

And how many of us have already gone out and gotten the case or two, bottle or two, or gin glass or two ready? And we are betting that if we could get the sick leave rates for the day after these debates, Lulu and Phoebe would be right on the money (if they had any) that October 3rd would be the winner.

And remember. The debate is not about the words. It is about the fashion. The manners. The mannerisms. Who knows. Maybe when we are all done, among the four of them, Lehrer, Ifill, Brokaw and Schieffer, one of them will actually win the election.

Don't forget to vote!

The Accidental Vice President: Just Pretend!

looking for the ends of the earth on a long and wandering walk

It feels a bit like channeling Tina Fey-isms. It is beginning and I am going to need a large glass of wine. I actually understand McPalin's tongue-speak in the article below. That alone merits a long wandering walk with the Lulu and Phoebe with the hope that since the world is flat (according to the View's Sherrie Shepard) the three of us would fall off and end up on the other side where there is no Sarah Palin or McCracker running for PTA President! I have a headache.

I wonder what flummoxed McPalin? Was it trying to do more than one thing at once? Was it trying to read the teleprompter (do they bring those things to every rally?) and losing her place? Was it a bit of a hearing issue because, after all, she is at that age where the hearing does really start to go? Or, wait! Was it that she can't operate at all without her Lt. Governor, First Dude, Todd?

Perhaps that is why he hangs out with his own table and phone in the Governor's office in Alaska. Could it be that the McCracker campaign (badly) vetted the wrong Governor?

And here is the question of the day. How is it possible that even a small percentage of the United States voting populous thinks it is a good idea for someone this thin (as in ability and substance) to be the Vice President to a guy who is 112 years old and has had several cancers?

Palin accidentally reprimands supporters? How about the Accidental Vice President?

October 13, 2008, 3:55 PM

Palin Accidentally Reprimands Her Own Supporters

Posted by Scott Conroy| 66

(CBS)

From CBS News' Scott Conroy:


(RICHMOND, VA.) - Protesters at Sarah Palin’s rallies can always expect to be shot down with some choice words from the candidate. But at a rally here today, the confused Alaska governor mistakenly issued a stern rebuke to her own supporters.

The outdoor crowd was so massive that many were unable to hear Palin speak, so about midway through the Alaska governor’s remarks, some of them tried to take matters into their own hands, shouting in unison, “We can’t hear you!”

When that didn’t get the candidate’s attention, they tried a new tactic.

“Louder!” they shouted.

Palin appeared flustered as she stopped reading from the prepared remarks, which were coming across her teleprompter.

“I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest!” she admonished the confused crowd.

Palin’s husband Todd tried to put an end to the awkward episode by approaching his wife on stage and telling her, “They just can’t hear you back there. That’s it.”

Palin responded, “OK. I’m doing that,” and then continued with her stump speech.

Another Postcard to Dear Sarah McPain: The Fairest Judge of, well, Herself.....

Fashion Week in Paris......Planning the Pageant!

Dear Governor McPalin,

Lulu and I find ourselves in a dilemma and thought you could help. We were having a discussion about our upcoming canine beauty pageant while we were attending fashion week in Paris, and felt that it would only be fair if we judged ourselves, but according to the rules we read online, we must have an independent arbitrary person judging the contest who is not involved, or has a stake in the outcome.

Not fair! We really want to judge ourselves and we couldn't find one instance where anyone said that would be a splendid idea. Until you!

We read that you decided to investigate yourself with this tripper-gate-latch thingy and you decided after careful deliberation that you were innocent! Kudos. On Yom Kippur, no less! We bet that was mighty hard to do, and we bet you agonized over it for a whole hour or so. Phew. That must have made you sweat!

So we were wondering? Could you write us back and tell us all about the process, cause we would really love to use it for our canine beauty pageant? We think it would be very cool to judge ourselves and see who comes out on top! (personally I am betting Lulu will win cause she can walk in stilettos just like you) I however, look fetching in lipstick!

An hour is a long time, so we were going to ask you if you had to take a break to go potty, or maybe get a treat? And when you were done - did you have to actually write down what you were thinking, or could you just tell someone?

If we have to write, we are screwed cause we don't have access to opposable thumbs. I am pecking this note with my nose as we speak. And believe me, if it weren't for the spell checker, this might not even be readable given the size of my nose!

We know you are a super duper busy hockey mom, and with this running for vice president of the PTA and all, we hope that you will take a minute to call, or write. Cause, well, we girls must support each other or we will go to h.e. double bully sticks! I know that now cause you said so just this last week, reading from your Starbucks cup!

Au Revoir and Merci!

Lulu and Phoebe

Separated At Birth? Malibu Barbie and Cindy Lou Whosit

Malibu Barbie?

Cindy Lou Whosit, the prototype for Malibu Barbie apparently, has set out on her very own to campaign for hubby McCracker and sidekick, or other wife, Palinista. She has her very own talk circuit now and it is called Malibu Cindy squeaks out - all about mean mean Obama. Up until this point we didn't even know that came with the ability to squeak, sorry speak!

Bet those photos make you want to take a big sip from that wine glass. Go ahead. We can wait!


Better? Ok, here we go.


Lulu and Phoebe first saw Cindy Lou Whosit in action today and ran straight for the toy box. They were relieved to discover that their Malibu Barbie was still safe in her Barbie canopy bed. For a moment they thought she had gone on tour campaigning for the McPalin group.

And yes, some dogs have dolls. Do you think a dog like Lulu who keeps ordering online couture could live without a Barbie? Please.

Then the funniest thing happened. I found them with a still photo of Cindy Lou, examining every detail down to her stiletto feet with a magnifying glass. I asked them what they were doing and they replied that they were simply trying to figure out if Cindy Lou Whosit's feet were bent like Malibu Barbie's.

If you ever had a Barbie doll, you know what they are talking about. They were wondering if Cindy Lou had to walk on her toes if she was barefoot because her entire foot was shaped to wear stilettos only. That exaggerated raised heel posture only a Barbie could tolerate because she is made from injection molded plastic. I laughed and told them I didn't think so. But they are not convinced.

And side by side, those photos look alarmingly similar. One wonders. Who came first?

Cindy Lou? If you are willing, could you please show these two little nutcases that you have real feet like the rest of us and you aren't made from injection molded plastic? Or are you?

My Fellow Prisoners.......And Welcome Home Letter "G"!

Fashion is not shallow!

First of all, a shout out to the letter "g" which staged a big comeback last night! Good to see you letter "g"! How much we have missed you! Welcome home.

And before we get to the delicious debate, let us take a moment and look around and salute your fellow prisoners. Today at a rally in the Obama state of PA, apparently tired of saying "my friends" the appropriately named, Sen. McCracker addressed the crowd with "my fellow prisoners". Spokes-folks for the McPalin campaign say he meant to say "my fellow Americans". Oops. Freudian slip there? Feeling every so slightly a prisoner in your own campaign perhaps, Sen. McCracker? Mon dieu.

Watching the debate turned into a relatively shallow affair. Once we listened to the beginning rhetoric, Lulu, Phoebe and I tuned the yakking to a low volume in our brains, and instead focused on the more important matters.

Low volume in a dog's brain, in case you don't know, sounds like this: notreatsjustnownotyetnotyetnotyetnotyet..... In the case of humans, or say, me, low volume sounds like this: chocolateicecreamahhhhchamplainchocolatesyummmchocolatechocolate....... You get the picture.

Here is what shallow sounds like: Why was McCracker's tie so wide? He can afford the damn tie factory, so why did he dress himself in one that is decades old? Oh. That's right. He stopped breathing new air about the time when Ronnie Ray-gun was playing the part of Mr. President. McPalin probably only has enough helium left to sort of finish the campaign rather than shop for anything that makes him look up to date.

Lulu noted that while his attire was of substance, his tailor ought to be fired. What a bad fit job. Or perhaps, just perhaps, since we are his friends (hey, he called us all "my friends" at least a dozen times) maybe he tried to look more like the average guy. Hahaha. Nah, it was probably Brioni, which as we all should know is Trumpster's choice of apparel. And we all know how popular the Donald is, with, well, the Donald. And how dapper he never looks, except to himself.

And someone in his campaign really needs to have him practice smiling in a mirror because when he cracks that fake smile, it is not only evident that it is fake, but scary enough to make small dogs run from the room in terror. Only the whisper of Louboutin and jambon could make them reappear.

The other guy, That One, as McCracker refers to Senator Obama, looked very elegant in his nicely cut suit, which fit quite nicely. Although Lulu was not sure it was Zegna, she was sure there would be a recognizable label in there. And the tie was subtle and perfect. The color very calming. It was considerate of him to wear something so nice to look at.

Sure, not everyone is going to want or be able to afford a Zegna, but who doesn't like looking at nice stuff. Just last week Lulu and Phoebe were coveting a William Wegman dog bed, but it was too expensive so they won't get one, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't admire the look, the cut, the material and workmanship. Lulu will never own a pair of Christian Louboutin's (shhh, don't tell her!), but that doesn't mean she'll stop ordering them with her pretend credit card. We all enjoy looking at nice stuff even if we will never buy it for ourselves.

Now let us move on to even more shallow attributes. Why in the world was McCracker breathing like Darth Vader? Too much medication? Why was he constantly licking his lips? Some meds give you dry mouth so perhaps it was either an inaccurate prescription dosage, or again, the lipstick was too thick and his lips were in danger of falling off. Perhaps he and McPalin should stop sharing a stylist?

In any case, he had trouble keeping up, keeping his notes straight, and most of all he had that perplexing sneer plastered on his face. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to look at that sneer for the next four years. It reminds us of Cheney and that alone is enough to make him ineligible for anything other than being retired to the same mountain cave where Cheney currently resides.

Phoebe woofed up and said that she knows exactly why McCracker bid a quick farewell even before the cameras were finished rolling when the debate formally ended. She thought that his girdle was too tight and he was about to bust it wide open. Why else would he leave an opportunity to chat directly with a group of undecided voters? At least Obama stayed around and chatted with people. A mensch, that one.

And let us not forget that whomever was responsible for oversight on the debate, particularly the "town hall" set up approval in the McCracker campaign will be available today for new employment. The chairs were too tall for Napoleon. He could not scoot his poor old guy butt up there easily. He needed a step stool. And even if he made it up there, watching his feet swing about only made him look even more pathetic. Hey, told you this was shallow. What do you expect from two dogs who order couture over the Internet with pretend credit cards?

All in all, it was an important debate because we saw McCracker at his best and it wasn't good enough. We saw Obama succeed in a format that McCracker was supposed to covet as his own.

My friends. Is it over yet?

The Glass House: Brought to you by the Letter "g" which is now homeless.......

Lulu and Phoebe asked me today what a glass house is and why anyone would want to toss stones at it? Ah, the ears of a dog. About as good as the nose of dog. They can smell crap from deep down under and hear the sound of the crap fallin' from that place deep down under too.

So when McPitbull with the lipstick started lobbin' turds from afar the other day, Lulu and Phoebe caught the scent and followed it in curiosity.

First, they wondered why McPalin was bringin' up pallin' around and then they wanted to know why she said Afghanistan was a neighborin' country. Since we had studied the globe a week ago, they know full well that there was an ocean and a few bits of land mass between the US and Afghanistan. They were discouraged to know that McPitbull didn't know that. And then they were equally confused about the comment that Obama pals around with Bill Ayers. That would be Bill Ayers, or Professor Bill Ayers who was once a part of the 60's weatherman group. Um, if we did the math correctly, Obama was a smidgen younger than me and he would have been in 3rd grade. Yep, pallin' around for sure.....

So while she is travelin' the country and talkin' to crowds of mostly ignorant folk who seem to have been sleepin' these past eight years, and incitin' the most blatant of racial hatred we have seen in some time by using her scare tactics on these poor schleps (hello, hitler anyone?) by screaming that Barack Hussein Obama is un-Amercian, or pals around with terrorists, she seems to be doin' nothin' but makin' her own party seem pitiful. And by the way, dear McPalin. The lipstick is too thick again! Did you forget First Dude's affiliation with the fine old Alaska Independence Party, the one that you sent that fine old "good luck to ya and god bless" recorded message to just a year ago? You remember that party, the AIP? The one that hates all things American.

A rumor also abounds that she applauds Tina Fey on her 15 minutes of fame. Hello? Tina Fey has at least 30 minutes of fame every week during the TV season with her own show, and is known to millions from her stellar SNL life.

Palin. Meet Emmy. Emmy. Slap Palin upside the head! And the meat of the rumor is that Palin wishes to go on SNL and play Tina Fey! Say it ain't so?! Nooooooo. Lorne Michaels has some integrity, please!

Next up Palin blames Couric for screwing her in the interviews, and thus all other interviews are quashed barring Sean Hannity on Fox who seems to pant after McPalin like a rabbit in heat.

After we took the time yesterday to read Rolling Stone's McCracker article, we needed to sleep with the lights on. How in this world did we get here? To a place where our choice, if one is Republican, is a man who has the values of a spoiled rich boy who thinks he deserves everything he wishes for without the grit and work required to achieve it? And if you think we are crazy, how about taking the time to read this.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/make_believe_maverick_the_real_john_mccain/page/1

So Lulu and Phoebe and want you to go pop the popcorn, put some in a sack and mail it to them post haste. Buttered. Lightly salted.

They also wish you to watch the debate with the sound off. It is certainly more entertainin' that way. And if you are at all skilled like they are at smellin' stuff and hearin' stuff from deep down under, then it will be easy to hear the crap fallin' before you have to actually smell it. Nose plugs anyone?

You betcha!

October 5, 2008: A Postcard to the Mean Girl, Sarah McPain

Mean Girls Stink!

Dear Mean Sarah McPain,

I, Phoebe, and Lulu, are sending you back your club pin and autographed/ lipsticked photo because we cannot include it in our election scrapbook. We are very sorry to tell you this because we thought that you looked very cute (for an 8th grader!) the other night, but after your rude behavior this weekend we have no other choice.

Besides, our Mom made us and she even called you a biywitch. What is that by the way? Are you were related to the Wicked Witch of the West? Lulu says not. She said that scary Pastor Muthee did some voodoo to ward of the witches, so you can't be related to Glinda, the good witch, either! Lulu said biywitch is a female canine! Holy biscuit! What kind of dog are you?

We looked at the weekend news this morning, and sure enough! Mean Girl!!!! We've met some mean girls before and they always end up in the same place! At the vet's office getting "neutered". Be careful!

First, it was silly-mean of you to say that Senator Obama is pals with terrier-ists. We are not personal friends with him at all, but we would love to be. Boston Terrier-ists all over the country would love to meet him, but I don't think he is friends with any of them! And if you are talking about that man, Mr. Ayers, who is a professor in Chicago, then lots of his students are in big trouble, aren't they? Cause they are friends with him too! Wow. You have a pretty good imagination for make-believe stuff. Kind of like the same way you make-believe that you could be President!

Then we also read that you said that Katie Couric annoyed you and so you were mean to her! That is just not nice. We've known Katie a lot longer than you and that is a dumb thing to do to someone who is so popular with all the other kids. And we heard that you were mad at her cause she asked you lots of questions you didn't want to answer. You did that to Gwennie Ifill too! You said you wouldn't answer questions you didn't want to, and everyone says you didn't answer any of them! Wow, you are sure adding up the mean girl points here.

Tell you what! Lulu and I will hold a page for you in our scrapbook in hopes that you get nicer and learn what Mom calls humility. It is something, she tells us, that might result from an Achilles heel lesson! You apparently never met Achilles either? He is a very nice French Bulldog who lives in Paris. We are good friends with him. And as far as we know, he heels quite well these days because he has lots of lessons with his trainer!

We have some suggestions for you that might help you quit being a mean girl. First, try some yoga. We do yoga for dogs on a regular basis and find that it helps keep you balanced, and frankly, regular. A bitty little poop afterward, followed by a treat, and we think that might just be the trick for you too.

Next, lighten up on the lipstick. It could be that putting it on too thick makes your lips want to scrunch up under the weight of it all and ramble off any old brain fart.

Think before talking! We were taught that thinking before we woof always makes for a more expressive and impressive communication! Try it! We find that humans always listen to us if we woof thoughtfully! And our mom tends to drink less if we do!

And by the way, very sorry for the creases in the photo we are returning! We had to fold it a bit to get it into the poop bag, because we only have access to the used ones. We certainly hope the leftover poop didn't ruin it, and we hope we put enough postage on it! I found a perfectly good 2 cent stamp in the garbage, so I used that.

Sincerely (not),

Lulu and Phoebe
co-presidents of the Terrior-ists girls club- no mean biywitch girls allowed


UPDATE!!!!!

Oh dear! Apparently yesterday in Carson, CA, in Orange County (another shade of red), Palin told the rally crowd of 5 that she read her Starbucks coffee cup quote that morning and wow! It was a Madeleine Albright quote. So she told the crowd that M.A. had said: "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." Meaning her! Mean girl!

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! You may be able to toot on the flute you mean girl, but you can't even read the sentence correctly! It goes like this : "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women." - from M.A. It wasn't even a political statement either. Here is the linky:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/05/palin-misquotes-albright_n_131967.html

Lulu and I are so so embarrassed that you would make this weekend mean girl thing a trifecta, that we are taking back our offer to hold open that page in our scrapbook. It will now go to Madeleine Albright! Right after we read her latest book, The Mighty and the Almighty!

Our mom is already opening the bottle of wine and it isn't even 2Pm! Good thing we tivo'd Saturday Night Live for her! SP! How could you! Madeleine Albright is a national treasure. Argh.

October 3, 2008: A Postcard to Our Idols!

post debate stupor......

Dearest Senators Obama, and McCracker, um, McPalin, um, Mc,Cain,

Lulu and I just wanted to drop a line and tell you how wonderful last night's debate was - so magical and delicious! Your underlings are so adorable, both of them.

We are writing with the hope that you can send us their autographed photos with club pins so we can add them to our scrapbook of idols. Our mom told us that it wasn't American Idol, but she was wrong wrong wrong! But one thing puzzled us. How come no one sang? We tried the mute on the remote more than once, and we even selected different languages, but still. No singing. We have to say, that was a bit of a disappointment, but overall we were still really excited to see the 3rd and 4th runner's up going head to toe, so to speak!

Can you clear up a couple of facts for us so we can enter them into our "Idol" scrapbook? First, what grade is Sarah Palin in? I, Phoebe thought she would be in 11th grade cause she got to wear lots of make-up and really high heeled shoes. I learned recently that those are called stilettos! Lulu apparently knows all about those and she said they were not Louboutins whatever that means.

Anyway, Lulu thought Sarah Palin might be in 8th grade and because it was such a special night, she got to wear stilettos and make-up. Is 8th grade right? Cause if it is, I lose the bet and have to paste all the photos into the scrapbook, and missing an opposable thumb, you have no idea how long that takes! I hope I win!

We weren't sure if Sarah was winking at us, but we thought so. We heard the shout-out to some third grade, and it might have been our class, if only our mother would send us to school. We hate home schooling if you really want to know! BORING!!!!

Both of us thought the other Idol was adorable and so fluffy! He must be the oldest one in the finals this year, huh? Oh wait! Isn't there another runner up who is older? When did Idol raise the age limit? Well, anyway, he sure was fun to watch. Lulu thought his suit was rad, but wondered how come he didn't get to wear Zenga? He deserved it! She also thought Sarah's suit was a bit subdued, but happy to see it was tailored well. Lulu seems to know all about those things because her clothes are tailored too. Something about being petite. Something I, Phoebe, know nothing about because I get to wear off the rack. Like O'Biden apparently.

One last question before we sign off. Who is Dick Cheney? They talked about him and his powers and we have never seen him on Idol before. Can he sing? Does he have anything on the charts? And if he did have too much power, as contestant Biden said, how come no one sent him to his room? Or wait! Is that how come we haven't seen him? Is in time-out? And why was there a big hush when Sarah said she wanted to be just like him and even more! Wouldn't that be important if she ends up being the 2nd runner up and the really really old Idol contestant, McCain wins? Cause you know, she could have a bigger hit album than him! It's happened before.

And since she is still in 11th grade (haha Lulu, I am writing, so I get to say it!) doesn't she have tons of time to do like Britney Spears, and have a couple of meltdowns and come-backs? And still be our Idol?!

Ohoh. Have to go now. Mom is coming in and it is her computer! She hates when we send postcards. I don't know why. The last one we sent was to Nancy Regan complimenting her on her husband's role in Star Wars. We heard that from you, Senator McCain at the last debate! So we rented the movie, and there he was, but we didn't know he played a big monkey, but he did it so well. Anyway, our Mom found the postcard where we told Mrs. Regan that her husband was a great monkey in Star Wars. Mom is totally house trained, yet she peed on the floor. Ugh. That was not a good day at all!

Ok. Bye for now. And please settle our bet. I really really want to win! But if you are too busy to write back, could you ask Tina Fey if she will fill in, cause we think she is totally a better Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin. Maybe Tina Fey can sing?

Oh oh. One last thing. Lulu reminded me. Can you send us some of Sarah's letter "g's" that littered the floor last night at the Idol debate? Apparently the end of her words didn't need all those "g's"! Can Sarah autograph those too?

Your fans,

Lulu and Phoebe (the Boston Terriers from California!)