Be On the Look Out! The last supper, um, debate!Stand-ins: Phoebe, Gordie and Lulu
Of course, Lulu and Phoebe came running as soon as I said "supper". But when I mentioned that I was talking about the upcoming final debate tonight, they shrugged and asked, " will they be serving dinner?"
Very funny! However, after a moment's thought, I wondered that myself. After all, the candidates will be sitting at a table, both in view of the camera shot. Shouldn't we get a glance of how they manage to use their table silverware if the service was set for, oh, perhaps a formal White House dinner?
That would be ever more amusing, and frankly, more informative than what we have to look forward to tonight otherwise. We know the mantra very well by now. Even Lulu and Phoebe can say it. Three weeks is forever in politics. Three weeks. Forever!
The pundits are out like trick or treaters today, already with the rhetoric of tonight's chat fest. Which McCracker will show up? How will Obama handle the Ayers questions? Will McCracker have anything to say that will turn the tide? Will Sarah McPalin pop in with first dude and translator, Todd and call Obama a terrier-ist? (again, Lulu and Phoebe say they have NOT met Obama yet!).
But just in case you are wondering about tonight here are some truths to take with you on the way to turning on the television.
First. They will be seated.
Second. They will speak.
Third. The moderator will attempt to ask questions to which no one will answer.
Lulu and Phoebe have been digging in the dirt, so to speak, and they have more to tell you.
If McCracker starts to lose it, this is what you will witness if you pay attention, and probably in this order. Watch for the foot shuffle, the knees to jitter about. Then watch for the arms to do a similar dance. And keep watch in HD for the red to radiate from under the forty-five pounds of pancake makeup on his face. Look for a little spittle. The sneer. The smile that scares little children (and dogs) from the room. And there you go. The next words out of his mouth will drip with contempt that he will barely be able to contain.
Next, Bob Schieffer will ask amiable questions, but watch his body language. How much deference does he show to each candidate. It will not be equal because he is human. That my dear friends, is the clue. The person who receives the highest level of deference will be our next President. Look for it. that deference might show up in the following ways - a curtsy, a bow, or it could be a slip of the tongue with the word ruler or royal highness tossed in there.
And last, listen carefully. You want to make sure that you hear whether there are any issues aside from the blah blah blah rhetoric. Is Darth Vader there again? Lizard tongue man? Will we be called "my fellow Canadians" or "my neighbors"? Will Obama give a shout out to Bubbe and Zadie in Palm Beach County? Will McCracker call Palin his mate (as in wife)? Will Bob Schieffer ask anyone about their plans for ruling the nation? Will first dude, Todd, run up to the table to translate for McCracker like he does for McPaln? Will Cindy bring her twin Malibu Barbie? Will Michelle....ok, got nothing....the woman is just too normal! Will McCracker call himself a maverick 35 times? Will we be his "friend" again 22 times? Will Obama self-edit to stop using half sentences to start his, yes, let's talk about the economy, Iraq, health, but more to the point......?
And how many of us have already gone out and gotten the case or two, bottle or two, or gin glass or two ready? And we are betting that if we could get the sick leave rates for the day after these debates, Lulu and Phoebe would be right on the money (if they had any) that October 3rd would be the winner.
And remember. The debate is not about the words. It is about the fashion. The manners. The mannerisms. Who knows. Maybe when we are all done, among the four of them, Lehrer, Ifill, Brokaw and Schieffer, one of them will actually win the election.
Don't forget to vote!
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