Lulu & Phoebe Discuss Politics And Everything Else

Fiorina - Sore Loser or Delusional?

2010-11-03T09:25:00.000-07:00

NOVEMBER 3, 2010 12:20PM

The morning after Election Day is like emptying a really full dryer and finding that the lint trap caught more than its fair share of dog hair.

Lucky for California that the wave of angry white tea party-ish voters couldn't climb over the Sierra summit easily. California sewed up 5 out 6 of the heavy races with Democrats.
Jerry Brown won handily, but not before Meg Whitman spent $168M trying to defeat the iconic 70 year old. She lost by almost ten points which is enough of a statement. And she somewhat gracefully conceded last night though she was clenching her teeth.

On the other hand, Barbara Boxer was declared a winner early in the evening here by none other than Fox News, followed by the LA Times. The numbers were neck and neck for a while, but that was with few precincts reporting. Later that gap widened yet Fiorina would not concede (52-Boxer v 42- Fiorina).

This morning and even with that ten point lead by Boxer, Fiorina will still not concede saying she has to crunch the numbers.

Really, Carly? Just give it up already. Lose graciously and go home.

Here’s the rundown on CA races and props from the LA Times.

Hubris and the midterms

2010-10-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a lot of hubris going around these days. Perhaps it will settle down after November 2, like allergy season does after the first frost.

In the meantime, paging the following:

I am not a witch O'Donnell

I signed an American Flag Grizzly Mama Palin

I'm gonna win the auction damn it Whitman

Please return to your Civics 1.0 class with Professor J. Stewart by the sound of the bell.

Biting Back: Whitman's Nannygate

2010-09-29T18:28:00.000-07:00

on the estate (did she fire the dog walker?)

Does it surprise anyone that Whitman would have undocumented workers toiling for lousy pay on her estate in Atherton? Long before she was Candidate Whitman, she was citizen Whitman, and a busy one at that. It would be a rare thing in that zip code for a household to not have undocumented (and documented) workers toiling away as housekeepers, nannies or yard help.

A little perspective might help since Silly Silicon Valley is a slightly different colored bubble than the rest of the universe. The average (bell curve average) income in that zip code tops $240,000. The average (!) home price is $3.92M. When you think of Atherton, think of CEO-ville, Venture Capital-cove, and old wealth. Atherton is an enclave nearby Stanford University that is well protected from peering eyeballs by high stone walls, huge foliage and lots of private security. Nannies and housekeepers drive a Range Rover kept for that purpose.

There are a ton of workers, documented and not toiling away in Atherton providing everything from housekeeping to mow, blow and go (that would lawn service) to shopping and nanny services. And just because that zip code is supremely wealthy, it does not mean they pay the best wages either.

If any papers were traded, and if (a big if) Ms. Whitman was paying payroll taxes including social security for this person, she would have known very early on that those papers were fake. Even though we all know the IRS is slow, after half a decade you'd think they'd say something about it. But nine years? A more common practice is that the housekeeper, along with other household help were paid regularly with a check or cash - straight up for the hours without any payroll taxes removed.

If, as has been stated by the Whitman campaign, that the housekeeper came from an agency, then most agencies or companies that provide housekeeping services require that you pay the agency and not the individual. The agency or company pays the employees directly. If Whitman were to have gotten an employee from an agency, most provide extensive background checks and bonding, especially if they are sending employees to homes of very wealthy people (hello: security). Something just does not add up.

There is truth to this matter somewhere in the facts presented by both sides, and undoubtedly it is rather simple. However, the claims by the Whitman campaign so far are not making much sense. But then again, having Gloria Allard as your mouthpiece tends to make things a little more sensational than they are.

It would, however, be surprising if Whitman had NOT employed anyone who had questionable immigration status as a worker in her home at some point in time. The problem is more on the end where citizen Whitman became Candidate Whitman without a thought to how her past might factor into a public service job.

All along Whitman has seen the CA Governorship as an extension of being a corporate CEO and still has no idea that past practices matter - like a voting record, or hiring household help. It would be fair to say that Meg Whitman's housekeeper-gate will not be the only problem in her past that comes back to bite.

In fact, taken together, the growing list speaks to that attitude of arrogance: Goldman Sachs, her lack of understanding basic civics and the CA Constitution, the old absent voting record, and her waffling on immigration and green, and now housekeeper/nanny-gate.

Meg Whitman doesn't even understand immigration - she has waffled continually on immigration status and immigration reform from the beginning. From the Daily Kos on the 9/28 Brown-Whitman debate:

"Whitman Says She Is Unfamiliar With Illegal Immigration Terminology
[Whitman] has struggled to explain her past and current positions on the issue. She said...her lack of familiarity with the issue and her newness to politics had caused the misunderstanding. ‘When you’re new to politics, sometimes you use words that have like a meaning to people who have been in politics for 20 years,’ she explained." [The Washington Post, 5/31/10]"

Housekeeper-gate will ebb into the news abyss as have the other issues, but in the end the combination of all these troubling factors might be the difference between Meg being just Candidate Whitman rather than Governor Whitman come November 2.

One can hope that voters are paying close attention.

Meg Whitman's Unfortunate Editorial Board Adventure: Fresno v. Detroit

2010-09-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Really? Detroit is in Michigan? Not Louisiana? (AP)

Meg Whitman stuck her fashionable, yet practical stiletto (ok, pump) in her mouth yet again. This week she compared the economic plight of Fresno to Detroit. That's right. Fresno, where they grow almonds and make lots of raisins is what she compared to Detroit, that bigger city on a Great Lake where they pretty much grow shipyards, auto plants, and Motown, once upon a time.

And how did Candidate Whitman lose her shoe this time? Through a time honored tradition, candidates meet with various newspaper editorial boards for interviews as the election nears. Editorial boards then sum up the meeting and give a thumbs up or down to the candidate.

Candidate Whitman's editorial adventure with the San Jose Merc did not go well. Meeting with the editorial board of the San Jose Mercury News she began the conversation saying that Fresno was as awful as Detroit. Really?

When asked to clarify, Candidate Whitman shoveled a little deeper.

"Fresno looks worse than Detroit. It's awful." She acknowledged it didn't go over well, and explained, "I made a comparison between Fresno and Detroit. It wasn't all that well received but what I was trying to say, what I meant to say, what was absolutely imbedded in those remarks is that it is not acceptable Detroit has a lower unemployment rate than Fresno."

But let's add a little logic to that simplistic comparison of "awful" made by Whitman. Numbers are not always equally significant. Fresno has a population of about 500K while Detroit's numbers are approaching 1M. That 15% unemployment in Fresno and 14% unemployment in Detroit actually makes the automobile city's suffering much more "awful" (using the Whitman awful-scale) based on real numbers of people out of work. And a bright 5th grader might know that each city's various industries are not similar, the unemployed worker profiles are vastly different, and the overall recovery patterns would not be nearly the same.

And just for fun, let’s help out Candidate Whitman with a few more relevant facts.

Fresno is steeped in California history as part of the gold rush and early railroad industry. But since it is in central valley, on the edge of the mountains, it also still serves as a great farming and orchard community; cotton, grapes, almonds and more are grown around Fresno. Fresno is the world capital for raisins. About 60% of the world’s raisins are grown there and provide the majority of raisins sold in the United States. The largest employer in Fresno? The IRS.

Detroit? It began as a flour milling town and moved into copper (you know, like gold only copper). And then there were the shipyards and ship repair, being not landlocked like that other city, Fresno. A big machine industry town, Detroit evolved into something we all think about when we think of Detroit; Motown and Gladys Knight. Oh, and automobiles, too, as in General Motors and Henry Ford.

So much alike are these two cities, it is hard to tell where one begins and the other one ends.

While campaigning in the city of Fresno, Whitman was accompanied by Bobby Jindal, whom she calls a role model. That would Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, Rhodes Scholar and exorcist, who thinks creationism is great science; accompanying would-be CA Governor Meg Whitman, a Harvard Business School graduate who only began voting in 2002 and was the boss of Mr. Potato Head for a number of years.

Is Meg Whitman smarter than a 5th grader? You decide.

11 Angry Men and One Citizen Whitman: Jury Duty Calling?

2010-09-01T09:51:00.000-07:00

three angry men, one meg whitman and not one good excuse

Oh the conundrum. This week, my husband, only a few short weeks into a new job was called to Federal Court for jury duty. So far, he has yet to be required to report in person and has just a couple more days to call in. With some luck and an approaching Federal holiday weekend, he may just not have to tell his new employer he will be away from the job.

But some other people called for jury duty this week are not facing the same good luck. For instance, Meg Whitman. Candidate Whitman who lives in Atherton, CA (look up the zip code, and average income and prepare to choke on your coffee) was called for service in the county in which she resides, Redwood City Courthouse in San Mateo. Apparently, Candidate Whitman's handlers could not think of one way to get her out of that conundrum given that the election is about to heat up for that final stretch. Hint: we hear that a Doctor's note works, but not so much a note from John McCain, Dick Cheney, or Michael Steele (especially not Steele).

Monday, among the jurors called in was Citizen Meg. When the judge asked if anyone had anything interfering with their ability to serve she raised her hand and responded with: I am running for Governor. Note to Meg: I find telling the Judge you have recurring migraines, or hate child molesters, or have a bias, or even urinary incontinence generally resounds better than “I’m running for Governor”.

Guess what? The Judge was not impressed. Citizen Whitman is back in court and being considered as a juror for a molestation trial. It should take about a month they say. Her campaign thinks she would be excused because of her busy busy schedule with the campaign.

The trial Judge? A democrat appointed by Gray Davis, ex-Governor - actually recalled (like the eggs) Governor Gray Davis.

California - where things that seem ridiculously boring (like the campaign) never are when you add a zip like ~~90210~~ 94027 to the mix. Oh, and the fact that Candidate and Citizen Whitman might be under the impression that she is shoe-in as Governor Whitman (who gets to appoint judges) based on those unreliable early polls – and just a tad too big a citizen for jury duty.

Maybe her friend, Mr. Potato Head can email her an infomercial on civics. Again.

Remembering Katrina

2010-08-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

in better times - only one place this happens: the child and associates

That last phone call was not going well. From 2500 miles away we were doing our best to convince (read: beg) our girl to leave the city ahead of the storm. In the past decade since she'd made New Orleans her home, she'd stayed behind for every other hurricane, but to us this was different. She was always an exceptionally stubborn child and this moment was no different. She had yet to reach a conclusion about the impending Katrina. But before we could talk again the circuits were overloaded and we only had the ability to communicate by texting - and even those were spotty.

The moment we got a message that she was in a car heading west, with one of her paintings, two dogs, a cat (or two?) some small critters - I can't remember - various other treasures along with more people than there were seats, and on her way to someone's grandmother's house in Texas, we breathed that first sigh of relief. The hurricane hit New Orleans the next day.

But only a few days later she turned around, got on a bus and met up with another friend and drove back into the devastated city when most people were still holed up far away glued to their televisions watching Anderson Cooper. When George Bush was telling Brownie that he was doing a heck of a job, my child was making her way back home.
They drove in through a back way with a carload of supplies including as much dog and cat food as she could find. The Red Cross wasn't even fully set up and in fact, left town not much later when Hurricane Rita was looming. The only support system aside from the National Guard that remained was the Salvation Army.

She would send me texts that the Salvation Army were the ones roaming the streets looking for residents and giving them MREs (meals ready to eat) and bottles of water, no questions asked. It was the Salvation Army who stayed through Hurricane Rita and never abandoned the people who stayed behind. For that alone, I never pass a ringing bell anymore without dropping something in that bucket just in gratitude for their silent willingness to go where no other organization would in those early days of Katrina. And for providing my kid with water and yummy meals in a bag.

She found her apartment building still standing but the roof in perilous shape with gaping holes. Her latest canvas, stored high on a closet shelf was the only thing dry. Her camera was still on the table exactly where she'd forgotten it, untouched, but the remainder of the space was soaked and battered by the hurricane. The building next door where an elderly man lived and did not vacate was also devastated. She wrote that one wall was entirely gone, but the shelf across the room, full of papers and other stuff was not touched - it looked like a macabre diorama ready for viewing. Yet he remained in his home.

She was able to charge her phone through the generosity of the firehouse next door and the various generators they were using. They even gave the elderly man a little power so he could have a television in his newly ventilated apartment.
She roamed the neighborhood daily feeding cats and dogs. Some she managed to free from the tie-ups that were used pre-storm in what was once a backyard. She was there well before animal rescue could get into the neighborhood. The animals were terrified and hungry. It would be weeks and sometimes never before people were reunited with their animals. She never stopped feeding those that were still left behind.

When George Bush came to Jackson Square, some residents (including the kid) tried to get there to talk to him. She said the National Guard was ordered to keep residents away. Those residents included those who never left and those, like my daughter who managed to come back home to lend a hand. But the President wasn't there to see them - he was there for a photo opportunity that fell flat.

Through all this time our only means of communication was short texting. The cell towers that were destroyed in the both hurricanes crippled communication along with the overload.
It would be a long time before we talked again. But each day she faithfully sent a text just so we would know she was safe. She didn't evacuate for Rita. She just taped up tarps and hoped for the best which was what happened.

It would be months before mail service was restored. It would be weeks before those dangerous and smelly refrigerators were removed. There all kinds of circles of hell within Katrina, but one of them - the fact that animals couldn't be transported with the half-assed public evacuation was inhumane, heartless and needless. Thankfully it will never happen again to the extent it did with Katrina.

I can only say that on this anniversary, a half decade already - that the face of the city is changed forever because of the devastation from Katrina's battering, but New Orleans, like my kid, is never one to give up and call it a day. To that, I raise a glass and say Salud, and please pass me a beignet.

And the artist's collection is here.

The Aging of Meg Whitman: Campaign Fatigue is Only the Beginning

2010-08-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

The ageless Brown and the aging Whitman

It's the end of August and the November 2010 elections loom large; time to take a minute to skewer a candidate. That candidate, of course, would be gazillionaire Meg Whitman who is running for ~~CEO~~ Governor of California against the venerable Jerry Brown.

Campaign fatigue is taking a toll on Whitman. While Jerry Brown is aging well, Meg Whitman is rapidly aging; the stress of seeking a political office for which she offers no credible experience is showing. Brown is 72 and Whitman is 54. Side by side, one would have quite the time discerning that almost 20 years separate the two. Important? Not at all, but perhaps it is a fleeting look of how well each holds up under stress.

My money is on Brown.

Recent polls show that both candidates are tracking evenly; about 34%(Whitman) to 37% (Brown) with about a quarter of registered voters undecided. No one should be anxious about the numbers that favor either candidate at this point. The undecided numbers are more compelling. Brown will woo them with his pragmatic pitch about experience and public service. Whitman will woo them with her undeniably slick brochures and eBay experience, and the love from Romney, Gingrich, Cheney and her best pal, McCain. Some say Palin endorses Whitman, but she isn't listed on the candidate's website.   Kudos to Whitman for avoiding the mama grizzly.

And speaking of wooing - Whitman just dropped another $13M into her campaign bringing her self-funded total to a grand $104M, just a few million short Michael Bloomberg's landmark total. It seems quite likely that she will surpass Bloomberg in the Guinness Book of Idiots who spent entirely too much personal money on their political campaigns. Jerry Brown has a hot $23M at his disposal and is saving most of it for late fall. His assist comes from the unions who are currently spending their own funds on several advertisements supporting Brown which counter the argumentum ad nauseam that is the Whitman television, radio and print barrage.

Whitman's campaign has printed up another booklet/brochure/pretty book with pictures, the sequel to her first attempt at telling voters what she is all about. Both publications are mostly graphs, charts and pictures. They give the reader sound bites that encompass a travelogue of what a good politician ought to be doing. Both editions while slick and pretty, are poor substitutes for conveying actual knowledge and experience. We know that Meg has had a steep learning curve with regard to the California constitution and general civics; she had trouble getting her private citizen self to the polls to vote in past years and made public gaffes while on the campaign trail that a 12th grader who studied civics would not make. No one should mistake the Whitman candidacy for anything but a facade of what a politician ought to look like. Like many Silicon Valley businesses and real estate during the boom years, bricks but no mortar.

Divided on Prop 8, and with the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals requiring all briefs to be filed before the election, it is likely that both candidates will reach out to both sides to seek support. In Brown's case, as the current Attorney General for California, he is already on record siding with overturning Prop 8 on the merits of the law (not to mention general fairness). Whitman was an understated supporter of Prop 8. Her campaign may reach out to Prop 8 supporters with message that a Whitman government would not support overturning the prop. However, even the conservative Orange Country registered slammed Whitman when she naively gave her opinion about the matter to the press after Judge Walker's ruling, parroting the right wing/religious message that marriage should be between a man and woman. Too bad she didn't follow the court case which was not about that.

Perhaps next time one of her campaign staffers might actually give her a more reliable soundbite; that is, something that is prepared for her to read since she is proving to be as clueless as ever about what it takes to run a state like California. If only she and current Governor Arnold were on speaking terms - he might give her a hint about how fickle ~~employees~~ citizens can be.

Whitman, a thousand years younger in 2009

Obama, the Mensch at Recovery.Gov

2009-02-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

Your Money at Work from White House on Vimeo.

I just received another missive from Professor/President Obama tonight in my email. Not a day goes by that I don't hear from him. Much like my children, I am glad he keeps in touch.

I am sure that many of you received the same peppy note too. But this one was a bit of a jaw dropper because it is the very first time I have seen the mega billion money trail. Or the full stimulus bill. Or the information for how the money will be spent and tracked. The website is easy to navigate.

While the monkeying around to get the bill out of the house and senate seemed like a poor excuse for a root canal, it is finally signed, sealed and almost delivered.

It is, of course, not a perfect solution by any means, but it is a start. A good start. The frolicking up until the last minute by the Bickersons was worthy of a telenova. He said. She said. They said.

But in the end, it is about us. Our jobs. Our ability to obtain jobs, and the ability of the credit markets to start loosening up some so that lenders feel they can loan out money again.

And this time, it is quite clear that this President will make accountability a priority. We will know where the money is going. From the website they've set up we might even be able to talk about how well, or how badly it is working.

No matter what anyone thinks of the Bickerson's partisan tantrums, it is quite clear that the President is taking the high road. What a mensch.

Can We Get a Little Ethos with Our Bailout?

2009-02-04T12:40:00.000-08:00

a little roast pork.....

Daschle, Geithner, Killifer. The list goes on with countless invisible others whose tax issues are not so much in the cross hairs of the media limelight at the moment. If you google "back taxes and elected officials" there are so many hits it can make your head spin.

Daschle knew in June about his tax problem and it only recently came to light by the Obama people? What happened to the 65-ish page application? We were under the impression that everyone applying for employment in the Obama adminstration would have to fill it out with full disclosure or risk being eliminated. Guess some people ran out of ink before they ran out of disclosures.

In 2008 Rep. Rangel, chair of the House Ways and Means owed 5k plus penalties in back taxes.

In spring 2007 it is alleged that over 450,000 federal employees owed back taxes. The total? About 3B. That is a pretty good chunk of change.

And just toss into the pot the number of other elected officials who owe back property taxes and personal income taxes. Factor that into the rest of the country.

Where's the ethos?

Never mind Wall Street. We've known for years and years that greed is a large part of that ethos. Let us look at the banks, primarily the larger banks who are failng rapidly and insist on blaming the consumer. They still refuse to look to themselves as the larger source of their problems. Never mind that they lent money like crazy to anyone who had a pulse with regard only to the how quickly they could make money on that loan by selling it, shanking it, or just by legal usury. The consumers kept up with the changing payments the best they could until they couldn't. The divisions of the banks were so badly managed that they actually didn't know that each was competing for the limited dollars from the same consumer. They never looked. They didn't care. One division could win. The other could lose. And it didn't matter until there were so many divisions failing that they began to rot the exterior and the bricks and mortar crumbled.

In order to make up those losses, the banks took on another practice. They decided that they would bleed the taxpayer/consumer from both ends at once. First, they would ask for a governmental (taxpayer) bailout and beg that they were only trying to help the consumer. Second they would send notices to thousands and thousands of those same consumers who owed them money through personal loans or credit cards and demand a hike in the interest rates just a tiny hair's breath from the legal definition of usury. And they are getting away with it so far.

Consumers, stretched to the limit with rising costs and shrinking paychecks, for those lucky enough to have paychecks, are coming home to find these notices in their mailboxes telling them that their interest rate increases will double and sometimes triple their payments. Multiply that and I do believe we might be able to fashion some $5 money chains around the globe and back again.

Taxpayers are paying the banks a double remedy. The mega remedy is the giant billion dollar bailouts - that the banks just sit and negotiate and swallow whole, through our governmental talking heads, and the other remedy is our nickel and dimes up their asses by our already depleted wages through their legal usury interst rate hikes.

Ethos? I think not.

Long live denial. It gets some through the night, and apparently through the day. We see it all over. Some people shop like they dropped in from another planet and didn't read the news. Merchants advertise and offer merchandise that makes you actually wonder who the heck is buying that stuff these days. Catalogs, while diminishing, still arrive with 3000 thread count sheets for $1000. The chances are more likely that the catalog itself will be used for bedding v. anyone ordering those sheets.

Even some Superbowl advertisers are still in the dense fog of denial. Yes, talking to you, Monster et al. Bored with your job? More like blessing the stars for being able to hang onto your job. Dead end job? Paycheck, and lucky to have one. Do your homework for crying out loud. And fix your websites. More than half the jobs you list are not even real jobs anymore. The don't exist except on paper. Those companies have shut the doors to new hires and aren't even entertaining resumes. They don't reply, they don't answer questions, and they aren't looking. Much of the recruitment teams are in the unemployment lines.

The credit markets are still as tightly locked up as they were when they put the padlocks on. The chains are still there. Just try to buy a car without a FICO score over 725. Don't even think about going to the bank for a loan. Venture Capital Richie Richs are sending around a fun little note to one another saying "oh oh, times are bad, sit on it, sit on it". Which makes them scared and over the top scrooge-like. So many small start-ups which are the heartbeat of new technology are folding their tents. Unless they got signed, sealed and delivered letters of funding, they aren't getting any. And there is cash money there. Billions of it, but like the banks, it isn't going anywhere.

Always in an ecomony that is sinking, and in a visibly stressed and depressed society, there are those who will always come up from bottom feeding for a bite of fresh meat. Those who can afford it the least, the poor, the elderly, the marginal who possess little common sense, these are the most vulnerable to these phishers. The numbers of letters, emails, phone calls from crooks is far surpassing the number of "change your phone service" solicitations ever recorded. People are getting all kinds of odd solicitations to "lower" their interest rates, "fix" their mortgages, "repair" their credit, "get" that car loan and more. This is the stuff that goes beyond greed to immoral in the worst way. But it is there, just like the roaches that take over when the lights are off.

Some recent articles have been saying that we Americans are quitting. We are giving up, mailing in the keys, shuttering the businesses all too soon. We aren't giving any remedy a chance.

How about it if we start with an ethos that ushers in integrity as the first layer? In the meantime I will take my 9 year old fat ass car in for another fix and tune.

2009-02-02T20:45:00.000-08:00

We Will Pee On the Chaussure, Madam

The Pretend French Girls visiting Notre Dame

Not everyone is up on dog breeds. I do not mind at all when people ask what kind of dogs Lulu and Phoebe might be. Bostons are not all that common and outside of the United States, less so. It is fun to listen to people pronounce it - in France they would be Boostn Terreea, the last letter a long A. At least in France people had perhaps never seen a Boston and were very curious. Most of them. More on that later.

But as time goes by, back home, I am somewhat convinced that the dumbing down of Americans is getting worse than ever. Seriously. Let me begin with what Lulu and Phoebe are not:

Pitbulls
Nor twins (dogs are littermates, humans are twins)
Bulldog Francais (although at least they also have smushy faces)
Dalmations
Pugs (seriously?)
Minature Boxers (again, seriously?)
Brother and sister (take a good looky there!)
Mother and son (again.....)
Chihauhaus (too many Taco Bell commercials)
English Bulldogs

Sure, lots of people don't know much about dogs because it isn't high on their list of interests. I don't mind curious questions much. I just mind when they insist that we must be wrong and they are totally correct.

Phoebe is bigger than Lulu by about 5 pounds so people insist she must be the older one, and/or in fact, Lulu's mother. I would not have to worry about money if I got a nickel for every dropped jaw when I tell them that (little) Lulu is older than Phoebe by two years and both are spayed and will never be "mommies".

My other favorite is the Pitbull. Really? A 10 pound pitbull? Watch those ankles people!

In France there were several older citizens who had stories about Boston Terriers, or in their case, C'est Bulldog Francais that they might have had when they were children. Next up would be to exclaim how ugly they are and how much prettier poodles are. After the third comment like that I worked with Lulu who would already pee on command, to pee on their shoes. She did a masterful job of coming close to her mark. That sent them scurrying on their way. Nice? No. Necessary? Oui.

There are lots of dog breeds out there that I don't know anything about, and often identify them incorrectly. I have lots of sympathy for people who try and guess wrong. I don't, however, have much sympathy for people who insist that I am wrong and they are right - about my very own Lulu and Phoebe.

So to the lady today, who insisted they were Pitbulls and looked concerned for her very safety, I have this to say. Run. Run like the wind. Lulu just had a very big latte and she is looking at your shoes!

Don't Hate Me Cause I'm Beautiful

2009-01-30T15:39:00.000-08:00

Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful. And do not ever touch my eyeball again woman. Tapioca, my tush.

Share a Slice of the Inaugural Luncheon Dessert

2009-01-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

Thomas Hill painting, Yosemite Valley, 1865

Courtesy of the New-York Historical Society, Gift of Charles T. Harbeck

"The backdrop for the luncheon will be this painting, chosen for occasion, and borrowed from the New York Historical Society. The painting, "View of the Yosemite Valley," by Thomas Hill, reflects the majestic landscape of the American West and the dawn of a new era. The subject of the painting, Yosemite Valley, represents an important but often overlooked event from Lincoln's presidency—his signing of the 1864 Yosemite Grant, which set aside Yosemite Valley and the Mariposa Grove of Giant Sequoias as a public reserve."

Yosemite Valley 2006

Happy inauguration! Today's foodie treat is courtesy of the new President's luncheon. It is a complicated, only a pastry chef would love type of dessert, called Cinamon Apple Sponge Cake. Our version is a bit easier, gluten free, and you can have it ready in about an hour.

In keeping with the Abe Lincoln theme for this inauguaration, the Yosemite painting is a nice touch. This painting, on loan from the New York Historical Society is in the room where the luncheon will take place. Abe was the one who in 1864 set aside the Yosemite Valley and surrounding Mariposa Grove full of sequioas, tall then and much taller now, as a public place. Thank goodness! Yosemite is one of our favorite places to go. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a well kept secret. No one is there. Truly. It is cold, but there are no crowds anywhere. It almost seems sometimes like you are there alone with the majestic rocks. The photos that we took show Half Dome and the long stretch down the valley that is pretty much the scene in the painting, but about 160 something years later.

half dome, Yosemite 2006

Inauguration Day Apple & Pear Sponge Cakes

For our dessert, we used pears because we had them on hand, but apples are perfect too. We used gluten free waffles instead of Brioche, but both are tasty.

our gluten free easy verision

cast of characters

(adapted from the official inauguration luncheon

dessert, Apple Cinnamon Sponge Cake)

Serves 4

Butter and coat 4 large ramekins with white sugar, set aside

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Ingredients

8 gluten free waffles
2lbs of apples or pears or a mix with enough leftover for the finish sauce
6 tablespoons butter
scant 1/4 sugar (less is good)
pinch salt
pinch cinnamon
pinch nutmeg
pinch lemon zest
1/4 cup applesauce
pinch of vanilla
bourbon
your favorite caramel sauce

Thaw the waffles and cut to fit ramekins. The remainder can be used for the sides if you wish. Melt 4 tablespoons of butter and brush on the thawed waffles. Insert one disk into each ramekin butter side down.

waffle side pieces

cutting the disks and side pieces

Set aside.

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in a medium sauce pan. Add the thinly sliced fruit and caramelize. Add the sugar, lemon, nutmeg, cinnamon, salt, and applesauce and let it cook until most of the liquid is evaporated about 10 minutes depending on the ripeness of the fruit. You want it to be soft but not mushy. Add a touch of vanilla when you set it aside to cool.

cooking the apple pear mixture

If you are using the leftover strips of waffle, fit it in the ramekin after you brush it with butter (butter side out). Push it down to make it solid and then fill the remainder with the apple/pear mixture, heaping it a bit on top. Add the top waffle and butter it too. Grate some fresh nutmeg on top with a bit of cinnamon and bake them on a baking sheet for about 20 minutes.

spoon in the filling

festive patriotic cakes baking

Be sure to save about a half to one cup of the filling for the finish sauce!

Cool for about fifteen minutes and if you used waffle sides, then run a knife around the edge and invert on a plate. If you didn't use the waffle sides, just serve in the ramekin. Either way is just as delicious.

Patriotic Cakes, cooling

Take the remaining apple/pear mixture and reheat. Add a bit more applesauce, a dash (large dash) of bourbon and heat it up until it reduces a bit. Spoon in about a cup of your favorite caramel sauce and melt it all together. Reheat gently and top the finished cakes with the sauce.

mixing in the caramel

Bourbon is a food group

Top with the caramel topping and either add a side of vanilla ice cream or a bit of whipped cream. Or none. Your choice.

Happy Inauguration and Bon Appetite!

Apple Pear Sponge Cake Voila!

The Misunderappreciation of GW

2009-01-15T10:27:00.001-08:00

Ever clever, W's Segway gets the best of him*

As G.W. packs his suitcases, or his toybox with his legos, several thoughts come to mind. Each and every one of them require a full glass of a very bold merlot to endure.

Sipping and comtemplating the end of the W-Era reminds me that when all is said and done, the world will see the misunderappreciation of G.W. as clearly as we see the stars in the night sky in Manhattan.

Think of the things that people like Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will miss.

Whoops*

A President who actually speaks English as a second, or third language.
A President who thinks that Nucular is a word and a damn serious one at that.
A President who has a tough time eating the same snack food that two-year-olds consume regularly without choking.
A President who has only gotten to chapter two in the book that he began his first year in the White House, Fun with Dick and ~~George~~ Jane.
A President who is geographically challenged and probably believed Palin that she could see Putin from her porch.
A President with keen mental skills who can tell you the difference between his office and that of the Vice President (none).
A President who actually said in print that he won the election for Barack Obama (yes indeed, the interview in People).
A President who by mulct (look it up) took the Presidency to begin with.
A President who by every defining accomplishment has turned out to be as savvy as the 7-11 on the next corner.
A President who by all measure is not smarter than a 5th grader.
A President who has actually said that he thinks history will show that he was a great leader.

I am guessing that by this time next year there will be a slim picture book tome on bookshelves somewhere in this country, the Real America, where the misunderappreciation of W will be a hot-cake best seller. It might even be written in English. Who knows? Perhaps Sarah Palin will pen the introduction.

And by the way, some people think it is a good idea to wear a helmet when riding a (self balancing) Segway*. Just in case you fall off. Or fly through the air like Mary Poppins** on a bad day.

W. You are totally ~~an ass~~ misunderappreciated. So long. And don't let the door hit your middle finger on the way out!

flipping the press, an apparent usual activity**

Follow Us On Over!

2008-12-04T20:15:00.001-08:00

We have a new home for our insanity. Of course this blog is still our heart and soul because we love all things politic and we will continue on here. But follow us on over for some musings by the typist. About us. About her (ego ego) and life, we guess.

http://luluandphoebe.wordpress.com/

Oh, and the typist is apparently writing here too:

http://open.salon.com/user_blog.php?uid=8087

You can follow that link at your own risk. She calls us muses and that hurts our feelings. We are not muses. We are amusing. So there.

Seriously Mr. Bush? Are You Really an Idiot?

2008-12-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

Seriously Mr. Bush, you were unprepared for war? You say the government is "in it" with regard to the recession? And you are pretty sure you helped elect Obama?

What a big old surprise. George Bush in an interview with Charlie Gibson today said a couple of cute little things.
First:

"I think I was unprepared for war," Bush told ABC News' Charlie Gibson in an interview airing today on "World News." "In other words, I didn't campaign and say, 'Please vote for me, I'll be able to handle an attack,'" he said. "In other words, I didn't anticipate war. Presidents-- one of the things about the modern presidency is that the unexpected
will happen."

By and large I think our poor, brave troops were unprepared for war. They didn't have the requisite equipment to safeguard themselves. They were often under-trained and sometimes badly directed. You, Mr. Bush, were just an idiot. And what the heck is a "modern" presidency? One with cell phones and the internet? Do you not think the unexpected hasn't happened to other presidents before "modern" times, whatever that means?
Seriously, all I want for Christmas is for Obama to magically take over the castle. Today.

Then about the economic sump pump we all fell into:

"I'm sorry it's happening, of course," Bush said in a wide-ranging interview with ABC's "World News," which was airing Monday. "Obviously I don't like the idea of people losing jobs, or being worried about their 401(k)s. On the other hand, the American people got to know that we will safeguard the system. I mean, we're in. And if we need to be in more, we will."

We're in? In what George?

Safeguard the system? Which system would that be? The one that you let get out of control while you were sleeping or the one that you tried to control and screwed up?

And last, Bush actually tells Gibson that he his presidency helped elect Obama:

"I think it was a repudiation of Republicans," he told Charlie Gibson of ABC News, according to a transcript released by the network Monday. "And I'm sure some people voted for Barack Obama because of me. I think most people voted for Barack Obama because they decided they wanted him to be in their living room for the next four years explaining policy."

Oh. My. Dog. Does this guy think the sun and earth exist to serve him? Yes of course Obama won in part because of the crap we have endured for the last eight years, but it was never about George Bush the person or his inept presidency. It was about our future. About Inegrity. And about doing the right thing for ourselves and the global world we all live in.

And last, but not least, for the simple fact that Obama can write, speak and spell all at the same time. The simple fact that he can speak in complete sentences is no small matter George. Let us just look to your interview.

By the way, have you been introduced?
George, this is Sarah Palin.
Palin, this is Bush.
You two were separated at birth. On another planet.
Let us get you both a cab so that you can find your way home.
To that other planet.

We Pause: For a Gluten Free Food Commercial.....

2008-11-18T11:17:00.000-08:00

Since the holidays are upon us, many of us Celiacs need some sweet treats and other good stuff to eat. If you want some of Lulu and Phoebe's specific yummy recipes that have taken us literally years to get right, they will be available on Tuesdays on our blog at Open Salon. For today's Chocolate Chunk Cookies (gluten free of course) go here:

http://open.salon.com/cover.php You can't miss the cookie photo. Click on the title and there you go. Enjoy.

Look for more foodie recipes from us on Tuesdays through the holidays. For future foodie blogs, the best bet is to click directly to our Open Salon blog which is here:
http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=45595

Gluten Free Recommendations and Resources

These are some of our favorite shopping places/brands/information for GF foods

MEDICATIONS
http://www.glutenfreedrugs.com/
This is a great site to check and see if your meds are gf. For example, prilosec is not gf. Good to know!

BREADS, PIZZA CRUST, WAFFLES
http://kinnikinnick.com/
These guys make great sandwich bread, the white rice tapioca bread, or Italian white are our favorites. The breads work best if toasted first, or use a Panini grill with olive oil on the bread. They make great pizza crust, and again, bake the crust with olive oil first and then add the toppings. They also make great frozen waffles.

You can often find these items in Whole Foods in the freezer or refrigerator near the breads. Draegers on the Peninsula, and Piazzi’s Fine Foods in Palo Alto carry these as well.

IN A HURRY COOKIES
http://www.glutenfreeda.com/index.asp
They make frozen cookie dough and the peanut butter cookies are pretty good. Again, Whole Foods carries them, but you can find them sometimes in other stores.

FLOURS AND XANTHAN GUM
http://www.glutenfree-supermarket.com/
This is a good site to buy flour and xanthan gum. Whenever you bake with gf rice flour or gf flour blends for any baked goods you will want to add a ½ to 1 teaspoon of xanthan gum to the recipe to get it to act like gluten in the baking process. It keeps everything from falling apart. GF + a bit of xanthan gum = good baked stuff!

http://www.glutenfree-supermarket.com/flourblend.aspx#GF_Classical_Blend
Authentic Foods is home to this Classic Blend (the last item on the page) that we use for baking most of the time. It is the smoothest mix we have used yet. Others are a bit gritty. We also use their Sweet Rice Flour as well and that is very smooth too.

PASTA, PRETZELS, AND MORE
http://www.glutenfree.com/
http://www.glutenfree.com/Tinkyada-Shells/Item954015
http://www.glutenfree.com/Glutino-Pretzels-Twist-Family-Bag/Item101002

Here you will find the Tinkyada pastas – all of them are excellent and one would be hard pressed to tell the difference in a freshly made pasta meal. Just don’t shoot for leftovers. Rice pasta falls apart. You have to absolutely rinse the stuff in cool water after cooking before tossing with your sauce or other ingredients. Just make sure to heat it all up again gently and it will taste great. Rinsing in cool water keeps it from falling apart. Honest!

The pretzels are really really good and a great snack.

Pamela’s packaged cookies are supposed to be tasty and lots of people like them. We sometimes do, and most times don’t. Gluten Freeda cookies are better.

http://www.glutino.com/
These guys sell their stuff on link above this one. They were a Canadian company and merged a few years ago with a place called the Gluten Free Pantry in CT. GFP made some great items, mostly mixes. You can still find them in the product line-up. The pie crust mix is pretty good. However, some Whole Foods now sell GF pie crusts in the freezer near the bakery. They are really very good and worth the money.

GRANOLA!
http://www.bakeryonmain.com/
Granola. Really good GF granola.

LARGE AND THIN PIZZA CRUSTS
http://www.stillridingpizza.com/default.aspx
Thin, pretty tasty pizza crusts.

BLOGS
My favorite GF blogs. Gluten Free Girl has a book out titled the same. A good read. Lots of good links, recipes and information. GF Bay is new to me, and has some interesting recipes and information for the SF Bay area. GF Goddess is a blog I’ve been reading for years, it seems. She has reinvented it several times, and it also, has good recipes and links.

http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com/

http://glutenfreebay.blogspot.com/

http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/

BREAD ROLLS, BREAD, BREAD CRUMBS
http://www.gilliansfoods.com/
These started showing up in some Whole Foods Markets in the freezer near the bakery. I’ve been mail ordering from them for several years. The rolls and breadcrumbs are pretty good.

BOB'S RED MILL: COCONUT FLOUR AND GF OATS
http://www.bobsredmill.com/home.php?cat=109
Bob’s has some interesting things. They have one of the only GF oats in the US. They also have coconut flour which when added to cookie recipes is fantastic. They have bunches of other GF items too. Lots of stores carry Bob’s.

TORTILLAS
http://www.food4celiacs.com/ShopOnline/LTF/index.html
Teff tortillas. These are pretty good. They make great quesadillas!

BOOKS
And for reading: At Amazon, here are some of my favorites.
http://www.amazon.com/Gluten-Free-Baking-Classics-Annalise-Roberts/dp/1572840994/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1218843450&sr=8-2
This is a great baking book. Her recipes mostly always work.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006076693X/ref=s9ktag_t1_at0-rfc_g1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=top-1&pf_rd_r=0BEG9TBKH2S57SV4Q9XG&pf_rd_t=301&pf_rd_p=420958601&pf_rd_i=gluten%20free
And this is a newer book and has tons of useful health info.

Oh Come on. Really? You Thought We Were Done with Palin?

2008-11-14T11:12:00.000-08:00

Ok. So we thought so too. Who else could grab 15 minutes of fame and turn it into an hour and a half? While Palin couldn't talk to the talking heads while she was under armed guard at the McCracker-fest, she is now free to roam the planet.

That's most obvious if you watched television, or read anything this past week. The ink isn't even dry on the new paint job on the retired Jet Blue campaign jet, and Palin is pot-holing up the airways with her Palin-speak charm. First Greta Van Susteren gave her an opportunity to film a fine Fox infomercial. It almost seems as though by the end of it they were BFF. I guess Hasselbeck will not be getting that Christmas mouse, oops, moose pudding this year?

Next up was Matt Lauer doing his "where in the world" series ending up in Palin's kitchen in Wasilla. Did anyone else notice anything a bit odd about that kitchen episode where she fed Lauer (moose chili?) or moose hot dogs? The kitchen comes into view at about 4:18.

It looks like they (Palin and First Dude Todd) saw the kitchen in a photo in some slick magazine and copied it frame for frame into a real kitchen. Only thing is, no one told them that slick lay-out kitchens in magazines are typically not useful in real life. You know the one. The kitchen where the sink is in another room altogether and the stove is five yards from the refrigerator and nary a useful kitchen like tool adorns the counter tops. It would not surprise me to see a shotgun in a drawer in that house. After all, you never know when an unsuspecting moose might wander into the yard.

And while we are on the subject of reality v. fantasy, who cooks in a power suit? Come on. Seriously. Barracud-ass did photo ops on the campaign trail in those Pro America places with bluejeans. One more bit of proof that her kitchen is not really a kitchen. Seriously. Just a blue screen.

And then Palin takes off to the GOP Governor's conference. Again, she agrees to another press conference. The Palin-on-the-road show. But this time, some of the Governors accompany her on the stage. And the hair guy from Texas, Governor Rick, led her by the elbow and announced that the press conference was done after something under 8 minutes. Is he running the Palin show now? What happened? Did the press just start to leave? The Perry arm action is about 6:27.

And a side note. Little Piper, when asked by Lauer how she enjoyed the campaign show and tell (she being the object of show and tell along with Trig) told him that she was really behind on homework and that she missed her friends. Great mothering Palin. Like the Obama girls, why couldn't your first dude stay home to take care of the children? Even your parents would have been a better choice than constantly taking them on the road for your six week Alaskan Idol Tour.

Nope. Not the last we've heard from her yet. Does anyone know if they are recruiting on Planet of the Apes for a new vice presidential candidate?

Yes We Did, Mr. President!

2008-11-07T10:32:00.000-08:00

It was a mighty big day November 4, 2008. We went to the polls and came back with a newly minted President who has the ability to inspire us all to feel an unending measure of hope. The tangibles are not that important. It is the transformation from hopelessness and despair to peace in our hearts and a large measure of hope – the world over.

President Elect Obama inspires us all to look into ourselves and find the core of what makes us good people, good citizens, good leaders. His intellect, his substance, his belief in us as a nation, as a global world, is infectious. And while the road is long, the hardship still here, the crumbling and eroding of our planet both literally and figuratively still present, his leadership makes us feel like we have the strength and the resolve to mend it all.

As we have come to know so well – Yes we can!

And we begin with yes we did!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts Mr. President!

Goodbye McCracker, Goodbye Barracud-ass

2008-11-03T14:27:00.000-08:00

The day before. It feels like getting ready for a Bar Mitzvah. Or Thanksgiving dinner for the entire family. Or a big time Holiday party. It is full of anticipation, agonizing over what to wear, and the details of it all are making most of us a little bit on edge. Shall I serve the cranberries with orange zest or ginger? Cheese and crackers or Martha Stewart? Do I bring a wrap to the Synagogue in case it is cold, or should I just wear a sweater? How many shoes do I own that I can actually stand in for 3o minutes? None? Ohoh. How come the turkey smells funny? And who forgot to buy the butter? And why are all my stockings torn? And who was supposed to fill the car with gas? And why is gas still $4.50 a gallon?

See what I mean? Did you brain break reading all of that? Welcome to the anticipation. Lulu and Phoebe are sleeping it off again. I certainly wish they would tell me their secret for dropping into slumber at the drop of a paw. Of course, they are nervous and barking at a the crinkle of a chocolate bar opening, even after the 6th one (oops, did I say that aloud?).

In our heart of hearts this is what we know. President-Elect Obama will win by a landslide. Some of the returns will make our hearts flutter in anticipation, but in the end, he will win by a landslide. Some of the pundits will make our brains explode with their doom and gloom delivery, but Obama will still win by a landslide. And the almost autistic like repetition of the numbers over and over will make us all get migraines, but he will still win by a landslide.

In California, Prop 8 will be defeated, but it will be close. Too close for comfort. Too close to think that it will go quietly into the night. And disturbingly close for us to not look at some of our neighbors suspiciously. Yes, you Los Altos. What's up with those Yes on 8 lawn signs?!

And sadly, Sarah Palin will go home to Alaska not knowing that she is not as well liked there anymore. She will be oblivious and will still wage her national fear-mongering religious battle to an audience of no one. But also sadly, she will think many someones are listening.

McCain has no worries. He can retire now to one or more of his 35 homes and use one or more of his 43 automobiles and spend quality time with his friends. He is washed up in the Senate having pissed off more than a few of his brethren. And Lieberman will hopefully be new ranking member of the Joint Committee on Printing in the Senate, when the leadership finishes with him.

And perhaps the banks that are hoarding the lending dollars will begin to "redistribute the wealth" once they understand that President-Elect Obama will not reward them for their part in the meltdown. And perhaps lots of us will appreciate the homecoming of our troops and look forward to a holiday season filled with some hope and promise.

A forward looking pre congratulations to President-Elect Obama.

And Lulu and Phoebe would very much appreciate an invitation to the inauguration. They promise to wear their best couture.

Beauty Queens Unite on other Planet Earth!

2008-11-01T14:32:00.001-07:00

If you had been paying attention to Lulu all these months you would know that the election will come down to this one fundamental ideal. More like one fundamental question.

Can beauty queens rule the earth?

And the answer is, of course, yes! But according to Lulu, not this particular earth. It would be the "earth" that we all know exists in the space- time continuum that is visible and accessible only to Sarah Barracud-ass and her brethren. Brethren you ask? Why. Yes. And you can find them here in Rebecca Traister's article in Salon along with my favorite clip:

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/11/01/palin/

"We might end up with a socialist government in office and if that happens, it might be hard to get it out," said Candice Ward, a 23-year-old Miss Kent County from Delaware. "We have a democracy right now and it's no time to lose it." Ward was wearing her tiara, and had come to support Palin, a fellow beauty pageant contestant. "She placed second runner-up in Miss Alaska, and I was third runner-up in Miss Delaware."

Surely you must have wondered who that 3.75% were who support McPalin sans McCracker? They apparently live in central Pennsylvania and they are god fearing folk who think a former quasi-teleprompter-reading-beauty-queen-runner up is just what this country needs. Or as we also heard from another corner of that alternative other earth, an All American Woman.

This is it. Three days and a few more hours to gander at the population that emerges out from under the floor boards this time of year. Halloween? Noooo. These are election maverick lovers who finally emerge from the fringe and cast their ballot for their favorite candidate who reminds them of someone they know and love. George Bush in a skirt and stilettos.

Alas, though he may never achieve becoming the President, John McCracker will still live in infamy. If you do a Yahoo search (not google) and ask for "worst republican politician" right at the top of the page will be JohnMcCain.com/contribute, and if it isn't there reload the page. It pops up as erratically as McCracker's campaign seems to be working. How's that for an endorsement? But then again, the guy was never a runner-up in any beauty contests, or was he?

Three days!

UPDATE:

ohoh. They aren't all in PA. Apparently they escaped are living in Grosse Pointe too. Lulu says that for sure this woman has a tiara from an ancient beauty contest somewhere in her home. Here you go:

http://www.salon.com/wires/ap/2008/11/01/D946BQD01_odd_halloween_politics/index.html

"Nov 1st, 2008 | GROSSE POINTE FARMS, Mich. -- A suburban Detroit woman has decided to scare up the vote among neighborhood children by just offering treats to John McCain supporters.

Shirley Nagel of Grosse Pointe Farms, Mich., handed out candy Friday only to those who shared her support for the Republican presidential candidate and his running mate Sarah Palin. Others were turned away empty-handed.

TV station WJBK says a sign outside Nagel's house warned: "No handouts for Obama supporters, liars, tricksters or kids of supporters."

Nagel calls Democrat Barack Obama "scary." When asked about children who were turned away empty-handed and crying, she said: "Oh well. Everybody has a choice."

Fax and phone messages left at numbers for Nagel were not returned."

Big Bad Mean Media Gives McPalin Constitutional Constipation

2008-10-31T15:17:00.000-07:00

Lulu and Phoebe are actually sleeping right now since they will be up late for Halloween. But before dozing off, they suggested that it would be a good idea if someone might send McPalin Constitutional Cliff notes for Dummies. Good idea Lulu and Phoebe!

Today, Palin actually said, with brother Todd hanging nearby, that the Press (and I give them a big P here) are infringing on her 1st amendment rights because they are pretty much making fun of everything she says. Hello?

I can't wait for the Olbermann video to hit the Internet. I can almost hear him right now. Governor! The press is obliged to speak freely however the heck they feel like. As are you. That is what the 1st amendment protects. Free speech. Even for the press. You ninny. It even protects your right to speak stupidly which you take advantage of every single day on national TV no less.

I could not make this up if I tried so here it is:

"In a conservative radio interview that aired in Washington, D.C. Friday morning, Republican vice presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin said she fears her First Amendment rights may be threatened by "attacks" from reporters who suggest she is engaging in a negative campaign against Barack Obama.

Palin told WMAL-AM that her criticism of Obama's associations, like those with 1960s radical Bill Ayers and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, should not be considered negative attacks. Rather, for reporters or columnists to suggest that it is going negative may constitute an attack that threatens a candidate's free speech rights under the Constitution, Palin said.

"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations," Palin told host Chris Plante, "then I don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the mainstream media."

And there you have it. So if anyone wants to donate a book called Constitution Lessons for Idiots, please send it along to the Governor's bordello, oops, office, in Alaska where she will be after next Wednesday. She's all yours Alaska!

Four more days to go.

2012? Think Again Miss Alaska #2!

2008-10-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

Guess who isn't going to be on the White House Holiday Card list?

With a mere six days to go, (wasn't the earth "created" in six days?) the latest news should have you reaching for the Maalox. Or the wine bottle.

First the good news. Even with all the brouhaha that McCracker keeps alluding to, nothing seems to be happening to their numbers except a nosedive. It looks like President Obama will be with us in just a few short days, and hopefully with a landslide that no hanging chad can undo.

The bad news? Today it was reported that big old strategy meetings are taking place and will take place in the Republican camp (read: the far right camp) that will include discussions of Palin on a ticket in 2012. Yes, indeed. Get back up on that chair. You read that correctly. Miss Alaska #2 thinks she has the stuff to run for the Presidency.

Yesterday when asked by a news reporter if she (Palin) thought she was an intellectual, she said "absolutely, you betcha". And she continued (in my head)....

I am a smart person, that is, I mean I am an intellectual that can read. Books and newspapers and things. I can execute executive things when that is for energy policy. I am a Governor of a state that is larger than Russia which I can see from my house. I have a First Dude who has also seen Putin's eyes from my house. I have a wardrobe that is going to charity after I wear it for the time which is to have an opportunity to explore energy policy and the Bush doctrine. I have shoes that are not comfortable and an infant that really is just an infant, that is, an infant that is not mine, but mine in that special special way. And don't tell Hasselbeck but I do know a Jimmy Choo from a Manolo. I was just kidding when I said Johnny Choo because I could, that is, Hasselbeck is my BFF. Hehehe. It's like Olive the operator. Or Ted the tailor. Or Sarah the President. Hehe. That's me, that is, that is me in 2012!

Or not. Let us hope that after finding Steven's guilty the Alaskan crew has finally realized that they don't have to settle for moronic village idiots. Let us hope that they put Sarah Barracud-ass back where she belongs. At the car wash with First Dude car washer, Todd.

Lulu and Phoebe are hiding under the bed for the next six days.

Another Separated at Birth Moment: Hasselbeck and McPalin

2008-10-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

The crowd of 15, and First Dude, applaud Lizzy announcing that she and McPain are BFF!

Oh boy. This one can't slip under the radar, although it deserves to. I told you Hasselbeck and McPalin-ista are BFF. Now it is clear why. The two were probably separated at birth. At the very least, they both attended the school-for- the-righteous-far-right who would rather gag than speak in complete sentences. Think we are joking?

"On Barbara Walters' Sirius radio show Tuesday, "The View" co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck lashed out against the campaign's ad buy, calling it "repulsive." Mark Halperin reports Hasselbeck's full comments:
Obviously both sides are trying to run and create image. So if we use this as, so they both have funds and are creating an image, making sure their candidates are where they need to be seen, as they need to be. I find it completely then repulsive to then - if we want to look at spending - see how Barack Obama now is going to spend what $3 million on two thirty minute ads that are going to run this week."

And just in case you may have mistaken that quote for a Palin-bite, here is the link to the article. It was talking about Obama's big 30 minute advertisement tonight and for some reason they thought Hasselbeck's quote was pertinent.

Perhaps for some humor, but not for much else.

One more week kids. One more week!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/28/cnn-rejected-obama-half-h_n_138687.html

Can I Get a Double Latte and a Chocolate Elephant to Go?

2008-10-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

yummmm.....chocolate elephant!!!

This is probably going to fall under news of the bizarre but we felt like this little piece needed a showcase. In reviewing more of the RNC's campaign-assisted spending to (not) elect McCracker and his trusty rogue sidekick, Sarah McPain, there seem to be more odd expenditures. Sure, it is pretty much the nickels and dimes of the campaign funding, but since it is out there, we can absolutely make fun of it all. Hello 1st Amendment (Yes, McPain, that is from the Constitution too!).

This little part just made us snicker. Chocolate elephants, milk, dark and light. What the hell is light chocolate? A musketeer elephant maverick-style? Seriously. If anyone knows what light chocolate is, please do tell. Here is a little snippet from the article:

"That same committee also purchased $3,589 worth of elephant shaped chocolates from a sweet shop in Dallas, Texas. "They bought about 1,000 pieces," said the storeowner. "About eleven ounces a piece in all three types of chocolate: milk, dark and light."

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/27/the-gops-bizarre-purchase_n_138219.html

Earthquake in Florida This Weekend?

2008-10-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

Excited Elisabeth and BFF: wondering if the goody bags will come with extra sweet tarts?

Oh. Goodie. If you feel the earth move under your feet this weekend, don't fret. It isn't an earthquake. It would be the vortex moving a bit to suck in the air that both McPalin and her new identical cousin, (according to Rosie) Elisabeth Hasselbeck, are spewing in Florida.

Apparently Elisabeth, giddy with middle school lunch-room excitement announced on the View, that she was asked by Sarah Palin to join them in Florida to help the McCracker campaign this weekend.

"The View" co-host said Thursday the McCain campaign contacted her a day earlier, to convey an invitation from Palin to introduce her at rallies Sunday in Florida.
"I am more than honored to be there, so I will be flying there to travel with her and meet some pretty interesting people, I have a feeling," Hasselbeck said. "That's an honor, I'm excited to do it, and I'll have some stories I'm sure on Monday."

Lulu's comment was that Florida was pretty warm, even in October, and both of them should make sure their make-up doesn't run. After all, for $22K, your stylist should get you some pretty damn good non- smeary stuff. When I told Lulu how many Louboutins you could buy for that much money, she left the room completely disgusted.

Phoebe stuck around to ask about Hasselbeck. She thought perhaps it was something she could gnaw on, but when I told her it was the annoying village idiot blond on the View she knew exactly who I meant. Apparently Pheobe is only familiar with her bobbleheaded mouth moving in silence because I mute the television when Elisabeth speaks. Bad enough she is sitting in my room in HD! But at least I can mute her whiny tantrums. Disappointed that Hasselbeck was not actually food, Phoebe left the room too.

So there you have it. No comment from Lulu and Phoebe except to say. Ack. Who cares?

From the look on Elisabeths' face, she does. Maybe she and Sarah can talk about the US Constitution and which Article the Bush Doctrine comes from..... Hint: not Article Two.

Or maybe they will the spend time getting tips from the make-up artist who earns more than anyone else in the campaign.

LOOK! Palin is VOTING for THAT ONE!!!

2008-10-22T10:49:00.000-07:00

Photo by Max Whittaker/Getty Images

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is kind of dense. One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is the village idiot!

Lulu, Pheebs and I had a fashion post all lined up, but when we saw this, there was no turning back. Seriously, kids! Let's add it all up.

First, late July, Palin is interviewed and says she has no idea what the VEEP does.
Second, Plain says in "her own debate", that she want to be a VEEP just like Cheney!
Third, a 3rd grader asks her the VEEP job and she still screws it up!

And here is the best commentary we saw from our friend Keith Olbermann. Don't sip your coffee while you watch or it will be all over your monitor!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/2 ... 36733.html

Dense yesterday.

So we know she is still dense today . A bit egomaniacal. And well, a bit ignorant. But seriously. Does she absolutely not know the difference between a donkey and an elephant? Has she not paid any attention to the party logos?

And let us hope that the scarf was not paid for by the RNC! Embarrassing!

And Governor? Joe Biden pretty much already has the job offer!

I Be the Boss of You All: You Betcha

2008-10-21T14:26:00.001-07:00

When I asked Lulu and Pheobe to review this YouTube video of McPalin (otherwise known as the lost Avon Lady) answering a question from a 3rd grader, I knew we were in for some real entertainment. The question was simple. What does the Vice President do?

Once the video was underway, I heard the piggie snorts right away. Pretty soon Lulu and Phoebe we doing the happy bitey face dance because, well, that is what Bostons do when they are giggling. The things they were saying as they danced were unfortunately not repeatable here.

Seriously, you must watch this video and save it. It might be worth money someday, that is, if we ever have any currency available again in the United States. It could be a Jeopardy question or it could be a trivial pursuit, Idiotic Election Edition, or it could be in your grand-children's American History textbook under morons who actually ran for office way back when the dinosaurs rumbled around the planet.

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/10/21/palin-vp-senate/

Lulu's reply once she stopped snorting snot all over the room was to ask if Palin had ever finished 6th grade? And Phoebe said that Harry Reid would set her straight. And Harry Reid did set her straight (see the link)!

If the Veep were in charge of the Senate, Sarah, don't you think that Dick Cheney would have made it his mission to lock most of them, oh say, 49% of them, out of their offices by now? And there isn't a chance in hell that he would have allowed You to be his heir. If there is a Cheney heir to the Senate, it might be Katherine Harris. After all, Cheney does owe her a favor.

First Dude Todd & McSunshine: Say What?

2008-10-19T18:01:00.000-07:00

Lulu and Phoebe snooze while dreaming of America's core values.....

Today First Dude, Todd, had an enormous responsibility to uphold for the McCracker/McPalin ticket. It was his turn to incite the troops, otherwise known as the rally ghosts. Apparently they allowed him three minutes, which we hear is the extent of his marginal abilities for public speaking without breaking into pieces from the stress of it all.

But today he spoke. Aloud. And said that this campaign (McCracker's) was about getting back to America's core values! "Hunting and fishing". Yes, indeed, these were the words First Dude said. Apparently we all had forgotten those true core values.

However, those of us living in core-value-less urban areas should be reminded that hunting and fishing can be had here too. Just recall what the day after Christmas looks like at Macy's. And Target. We can call that hunting and fishing if you like.

And the other day, McBarracuda was saying to her ghost rally crowd of fifteen, in a small town that she was so happy to among those who were pro-America. Versus those not pro-America, which would be the remainder of the country.

Hey! We hunt and fish too. Even if the prey might be a spectacular Manolo at Neiman's annual shoe sale, or an Armani at Nordstrom's semi annual men's sale. And don't even get me started on the skills it takes, those core value skills, hunting and fishing, to score the best and freshest cupcake from Magnolia Bakery!

Lulu told me that she hunts daily. For the non-pretend credit card that will actually score her some Christain Louboutin's. And Phoebe's reply when asked about hunting is that she prefers to fish. She enjoys fishing the crumbs out of the sofa because they are quite tasty, even days later. Who needs fresh fishing.....

So there you go First Dude Idiot. We all subscribe to those core American values that you speak of (in your 3 minutes of fame). And to you McPalin - yes, indeed, those of us not in small towns are totally not pro-American.

That is why we are voting for That One......and not you.

McCracker and That One Get Married!

2008-10-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

I, McCracker, take thee, That One....

Lulu was beyond excited when she saw this photo because she knew what it meant. Phoebe also had a good idea of what was going on. Both agreed that it was sincerely the sweetest thing they had seen in months, McCracker marrying That One. But Lulu was more excited in anticipation of her upcoming issue of People to view the rest of the photos that would show that there were bunches of Christian Louboutin shoes at the wedding. Everyone wears Louboutins to weddings she exclaimed with glee, doing a happy dance.

Phoebe on the other hand was eager to see what they would be serving for wedding cake. Cake is especially delicious on these special occasions says the fluffy one.

But now they both are in bed, tucked away, probably dreaming of red sole stilettos and giant buttercream frosted cake. I really don't know how I am going to tell them in the morning that the wedding of the century was just a dress rehearsal for January 20th.

Watching the Debate in HD: Holy Cow!

2008-10-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

huddled together watching the debate

Lulu and Phoebe dominated the space in front of the television last night watching the showdown in HD. It wasn't long before they scrambled from the room in fear because up close and personal, the sneering, spittle driven McCracker literally scared the shit out of them. I should send the carpet cleaning bill to your campaign Senator?

This wasn't even a draw. President Obama held his own and then some.

The scariest part of the whole thing was Bob Schieffer and his maniacal grin. Apparently he wanted to win the election himself. You know the one. The election for the most creative 2008 Presidential debate moderator. He came up with some crazy questions that merely drowned out the candidates ability to answer better questions that we care about. But Gwen Ifill wins hands down. The woman had a broken ankle and she put up with the crazy one in stilettos.

But one question that Schieffer did ask was a doozy. The Veep question. We were hoping that McCracker would rise to the occasion and say what we all know. That McPalin is really Dick Cheney, after his successful gender change surgery, with hair extensions and stilettos. But nope. He never fessed up. Just mavericked her to pieces. And ever the gentleman, President Obama took a pass on the obvious.

Lulu felt that the blinking thing McCain had going on was a new twitch to add to the list of stuff he does before he cracks. She again suggested that perhaps his girdle might have been too tight. She was concerned that he might just explode like a runaway popcorn kernel.

Speaking of, Phoebe was angry with McCain because when they ran for their lives after he laid out the first hatchet chop with his arm and the spittle was coming at them in HD, the popcorn scattered all over the room. Now that really isn't much of a problem for her since she has a keen nose, but that meant that the butter would also be scattered all over the room too and there isn't anything worse than wasting fine butter on a rug!

Is it election day yet?

The MisEducation of McPalin

2008-10-15T14:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oro2Yh9HoEM

Take 3 minutes and watch this YouTube video. This is McPalin before she was cast in the role as Wonder Woman in stilettos. You really have to wonder what they were drinking (as in the kool-aid) when they picked this lunatic.

The two major questions asked are about the upcoming trooper-gate, and the chance that she might be the VEEP pick. The Veep question begins at 2:08.

It is not even clear that she knows what a Governor does, let alone the Vice President of the United States. Perhaps she skipped high school US History class? Clearly, she has yet to meet her role model, Darth Vader Cheney? As far as we know she still has not met his highness who hides in the mountain. Perhaps that will happen once they learn that they both love to shoot. At anything. (Hello Harry Whittington). So much in common. Cheney flunked (oops, dropped) out of Yale. McPalin dropped out of several community colleges and yet won the title of Miss Congeniality. Congratulations Sarah!

A suggestion before viewing. A large glass of merlot.

The Morning of the The Last Supper: BOLO!

2008-10-15T10:39:00.001-07:00

Be On the Look Out! The last supper, um, debate!
Stand-ins: Phoebe, Gordie and Lulu

Of course, Lulu and Phoebe came running as soon as I said "supper". But when I mentioned that I was talking about the upcoming final debate tonight, they shrugged and asked, " will they be serving dinner?"

Very funny! However, after a moment's thought, I wondered that myself. After all, the candidates will be sitting at a table, both in view of the camera shot. Shouldn't we get a glance of how they manage to use their table silverware if the service was set for, oh, perhaps a formal White House dinner?

That would be ever more amusing, and frankly, more informative than what we have to look forward to tonight otherwise. We know the mantra very well by now. Even Lulu and Phoebe can say it. Three weeks is forever in politics. Three weeks. Forever!

The pundits are out like trick or treaters today, already with the rhetoric of tonight's chat fest. Which McCracker will show up? How will Obama handle the Ayers questions? Will McCracker have anything to say that will turn the tide? Will Sarah McPalin pop in with first dude and translator, Todd and call Obama a terrier-ist? (again, Lulu and Phoebe say they have NOT met Obama yet!).

But just in case you are wondering about tonight here are some truths to take with you on the way to turning on the television.

First. They will be seated.

Second. They will speak.

Third. The moderator will attempt to ask questions to which no one will answer.

Lulu and Phoebe have been digging in the dirt, so to speak, and they have more to tell you.

If McCracker starts to lose it, this is what you will witness if you pay attention, and probably in this order. Watch for the foot shuffle, the knees to jitter about. Then watch for the arms to do a similar dance. And keep watch in HD for the red to radiate from under the forty-five pounds of pancake makeup on his face. Look for a little spittle. The sneer. The smile that scares little children (and dogs) from the room. And there you go. The next words out of his mouth will drip with contempt that he will barely be able to contain.

Next, Bob Schieffer will ask amiable questions, but watch his body language. How much deference does he show to each candidate. It will not be equal because he is human. That my dear friends, is the clue. The person who receives the highest level of deference will be our next President. Look for it. that deference might show up in the following ways - a curtsy, a bow, or it could be a slip of the tongue with the word ruler or royal highness tossed in there.

And last, listen carefully. You want to make sure that you hear whether there are any issues aside from the blah blah blah rhetoric. Is Darth Vader there again? Lizard tongue man? Will we be called "my fellow Canadians" or "my neighbors"? Will Obama give a shout out to Bubbe and Zadie in Palm Beach County? Will McCracker call Palin his mate (as in wife)? Will Bob Schieffer ask anyone about their plans for ruling the nation? Will first dude, Todd, run up to the table to translate for McCracker like he does for McPaln? Will Cindy bring her twin Malibu Barbie? Will Michelle....ok, got nothing....the woman is just too normal! Will McCracker call himself a maverick 35 times? Will we be his "friend" again 22 times? Will Obama self-edit to stop using half sentences to start his, yes, let's talk about the economy, Iraq, health, but more to the point......?

And how many of us have already gone out and gotten the case or two, bottle or two, or gin glass or two ready? And we are betting that if we could get the sick leave rates for the day after these debates, Lulu and Phoebe would be right on the money (if they had any) that October 3rd would be the winner.

And remember. The debate is not about the words. It is about the fashion. The manners. The mannerisms. Who knows. Maybe when we are all done, among the four of them, Lehrer, Ifill, Brokaw and Schieffer, one of them will actually win the election.

Don't forget to vote!

The Accidental Vice President: Just Pretend!

2008-10-13T15:39:00.000-07:00

looking for the ends of the earth on a long and wandering walk

It feels a bit like channeling Tina Fey-isms. It is beginning and I am going to need a large glass of wine. I actually understand McPalin's tongue-speak in the article below. That alone merits a long wandering walk with the Lulu and Phoebe with the hope that since the world is flat (according to the View's Sherrie Shepard) the three of us would fall off and end up on the other side where there is no Sarah Palin or McCracker running for PTA President! I have a headache.

I wonder what flummoxed McPalin? Was it trying to do more than one thing at once? Was it trying to read the teleprompter (do they bring those things to every rally?) and losing her place? Was it a bit of a hearing issue because, after all, she is at that age where the hearing does really start to go? Or, wait! Was it that she can't operate at all without her Lt. Governor, First Dude, Todd?

Perhaps that is why he hangs out with his own table and phone in the Governor's office in Alaska. Could it be that the McCracker campaign (badly) vetted the wrong Governor?

And here is the question of the day. How is it possible that even a small percentage of the United States voting populous thinks it is a good idea for someone this thin (as in ability and substance) to be the Vice President to a guy who is 112 years old and has had several cancers?

Palin accidentally reprimands supporters? How about the Accidental Vice President?

October 13, 2008, 3:55 PM
Palin Accidentally Reprimands Her Own Supporters
Posted by Scott Conroy| 66

(CBS)
From CBS News' Scott Conroy:

(RICHMOND, VA.) - Protesters at Sarah Palin’s rallies can always expect to be shot down with some choice words from the candidate. But at a rally here today, the confused Alaska governor mistakenly issued a stern rebuke to her own supporters.

The outdoor crowd was so massive that many were unable to hear Palin speak, so about midway through the Alaska governor’s remarks, some of them tried to take matters into their own hands, shouting in unison, “We can’t hear you!”

When that didn’t get the candidate’s attention, they tried a new tactic.

“Louder!” they shouted.

Palin appeared flustered as she stopped reading from the prepared remarks, which were coming across her teleprompter.

“I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest!” she admonished the confused crowd.

Palin’s husband Todd tried to put an end to the awkward episode by approaching his wife on stage and telling her, “They just can’t hear you back there. That’s it.”

Palin responded, “OK. I’m doing that,” and then continued with her stump speech.

Another Postcard to Dear Sarah McPain: The Fairest Judge of, well, Herself.....

2008-10-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

Fashion Week in Paris......Planning the Pageant!

Dear Governor McPalin,

Lulu and I find ourselves in a dilemma and thought you could help. We were having a discussion about our upcoming canine beauty pageant while we were attending fashion week in Paris, and felt that it would only be fair if we judged ourselves, but according to the rules we read online, we must have an independent arbitrary person judging the contest who is not involved, or has a stake in the outcome.

Not fair! We really want to judge ourselves and we couldn't find one instance where anyone said that would be a splendid idea. Until you!

We read that you decided to investigate yourself with this tripper-gate-latch thingy and you decided after careful deliberation that you were innocent! Kudos. On Yom Kippur, no less! We bet that was mighty hard to do, and we bet you agonized over it for a whole hour or so. Phew. That must have made you sweat!

So we were wondering? Could you write us back and tell us all about the process, cause we would really love to use it for our canine beauty pageant? We think it would be very cool to judge ourselves and see who comes out on top! (personally I am betting Lulu will win cause she can walk in stilettos just like you) I however, look fetching in lipstick!

An hour is a long time, so we were going to ask you if you had to take a break to go potty, or maybe get a treat? And when you were done - did you have to actually write down what you were thinking, or could you just tell someone?

If we have to write, we are screwed cause we don't have access to opposable thumbs. I am pecking this note with my nose as we speak. And believe me, if it weren't for the spell checker, this might not even be readable given the size of my nose!

We know you are a super duper busy hockey mom, and with this running for vice president of the PTA and all, we hope that you will take a minute to call, or write. Cause, well, we girls must support each other or we will go to h.e. double bully sticks! I know that now cause you said so just this last week, reading from your Starbucks cup!

Au Revoir and Merci!

Lulu and Phoebe

Separated At Birth? Malibu Barbie and Cindy Lou Whosit

2008-10-09T10:43:00.001-07:00

Malibu Barbie?

Cindy Lou Whosit, the prototype for Malibu Barbie apparently, has set out on her very own to campaign for hubby McCracker and sidekick, or other wife, Palinista. She has her very own talk circuit now and it is called Malibu Cindy squeaks out - all about mean mean Obama. Up until this point we didn't even know that came with the ability to squeak, sorry speak!

Bet those photos make you want to take a big sip from that wine glass. Go ahead. We can wait!

Better? Ok, here we go.

Lulu and Phoebe first saw Cindy Lou Whosit in action today and ran straight for the toy box. They were relieved to discover that their Malibu Barbie was still safe in her Barbie canopy bed. For a moment they thought she had gone on tour campaigning for the McPalin group.

And yes, some dogs have dolls. Do you think a dog like Lulu who keeps ordering online couture could live without a Barbie? Please.

Then the funniest thing happened. I found them with a still photo of Cindy Lou, examining every detail down to her stiletto feet with a magnifying glass. I asked them what they were doing and they replied that they were simply trying to figure out if Cindy Lou Whosit's feet were bent like Malibu Barbie's.

If you ever had a Barbie doll, you know what they are talking about. They were wondering if Cindy Lou had to walk on her toes if she was barefoot because her entire foot was shaped to wear stilettos only. That exaggerated raised heel posture only a Barbie could tolerate because she is made from injection molded plastic. I laughed and told them I didn't think so. But they are not convinced.

And side by side, those photos look alarmingly similar. One wonders. Who came first?

Cindy Lou? If you are willing, could you please show these two little nutcases that you have real feet like the rest of us and you aren't made from injection molded plastic? Or are you?

My Fellow Prisoners.......And Welcome Home Letter "G"!

2008-10-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

Fashion is not shallow!

First of all, a shout out to the letter "g" which staged a big comeback last night! Good to see you letter "g"! How much we have missed you! Welcome home.

And before we get to the delicious debate, let us take a moment and look around and salute your fellow prisoners. Today at a rally in the Obama state of PA, apparently tired of saying "my friends" the appropriately named, Sen. McCracker addressed the crowd with "my fellow prisoners". Spokes-folks for the McPalin campaign say he meant to say "my fellow Americans". Oops. Freudian slip there? Feeling every so slightly a prisoner in your own campaign perhaps, Sen. McCracker? Mon dieu.

Watching the debate turned into a relatively shallow affair. Once we listened to the beginning rhetoric, Lulu, Phoebe and I tuned the yakking to a low volume in our brains, and instead focused on the more important matters.

Low volume in a dog's brain, in case you don't know, sounds like this: notreatsjustnownotyetnotyetnotyetnotyet..... In the case of humans, or say, me, low volume sounds like this: chocolateicecreamahhhhchamplainchocolatesyummmchocolatechocolate....... You get the picture.

Here is what shallow sounds like: Why was McCracker's tie so wide? He can afford the damn tie factory, so why did he dress himself in one that is decades old? Oh. That's right. He stopped breathing new air about the time when Ronnie Ray-gun was playing the part of Mr. President. McPalin probably only has enough helium left to sort of finish the campaign rather than shop for anything that makes him look up to date.

Lulu noted that while his attire was of substance, his tailor ought to be fired. What a bad fit job. Or perhaps, just perhaps, since we are his friends (hey, he called us all "my friends" at least a dozen times) maybe he tried to look more like the average guy. Hahaha. Nah, it was probably Brioni, which as we all should know is Trumpster's choice of apparel. And we all know how popular the Donald is, with, well, the Donald. And how dapper he never looks, except to himself.

And someone in his campaign really needs to have him practice smiling in a mirror because when he cracks that fake smile, it is not only evident that it is fake, but scary enough to make small dogs run from the room in terror. Only the whisper of Louboutin and jambon could make them reappear.

The other guy, That One, as McCracker refers to Senator Obama, looked very elegant in his nicely cut suit, which fit quite nicely. Although Lulu was not sure it was Zegna, she was sure there would be a recognizable label in there. And the tie was subtle and perfect. The color very calming. It was considerate of him to wear something so nice to look at.

Sure, not everyone is going to want or be able to afford a Zegna, but who doesn't like looking at nice stuff. Just last week Lulu and Phoebe were coveting a William Wegman dog bed, but it was too expensive so they won't get one, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't admire the look, the cut, the material and workmanship. Lulu will never own a pair of Christian Louboutin's (shhh, don't tell her!), but that doesn't mean she'll stop ordering them with her pretend credit card. We all enjoy looking at nice stuff even if we will never buy it for ourselves.

Now let us move on to even more shallow attributes. Why in the world was McCracker breathing like Darth Vader? Too much medication? Why was he constantly licking his lips? Some meds give you dry mouth so perhaps it was either an inaccurate prescription dosage, or again, the lipstick was too thick and his lips were in danger of falling off. Perhaps he and McPalin should stop sharing a stylist?

In any case, he had trouble keeping up, keeping his notes straight, and most of all he had that perplexing sneer plastered on his face. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to look at that sneer for the next four years. It reminds us of Cheney and that alone is enough to make him ineligible for anything other than being retired to the same mountain cave where Cheney currently resides.

Phoebe woofed up and said that she knows exactly why McCracker bid a quick farewell even before the cameras were finished rolling when the debate formally ended. She thought that his girdle was too tight and he was about to bust it wide open. Why else would he leave an opportunity to chat directly with a group of undecided voters? At least Obama stayed around and chatted with people. A mensch, that one.

And let us not forget that whomever was responsible for oversight on the debate, particularly the "town hall" set up approval in the McCracker campaign will be available today for new employment. The chairs were too tall for Napoleon. He could not scoot his poor old guy butt up there easily. He needed a step stool. And even if he made it up there, watching his feet swing about only made him look even more pathetic. Hey, told you this was shallow. What do you expect from two dogs who order couture over the Internet with pretend credit cards?

All in all, it was an important debate because we saw McCracker at his best and it wasn't good enough. We saw Obama succeed in a format that McCracker was supposed to covet as his own.

My friends. Is it over yet?

The Glass House: Brought to you by the Letter "g" which is now homeless.......

2008-10-07T16:50:00.001-07:00

Lulu and Phoebe asked me today what a glass house is and why anyone would want to toss stones at it? Ah, the ears of a dog. About as good as the nose of dog. They can smell crap from deep down under and hear the sound of the crap fallin' from that place deep down under too.

So when McPitbull with the lipstick started lobbin' turds from afar the other day, Lulu and Phoebe caught the scent and followed it in curiosity.

First, they wondered why McPalin was bringin' up pallin' around and then they wanted to know why she said Afghanistan was a neighborin' country. Since we had studied the globe a week ago, they know full well that there was an ocean and a few bits of land mass between the US and Afghanistan. They were discouraged to know that McPitbull didn't know that. And then they were equally confused about the comment that Obama pals around with Bill Ayers. That would be Bill Ayers, or Professor Bill Ayers who was once a part of the 60's weatherman group. Um, if we did the math correctly, Obama was a smidgen younger than me and he would have been in 3rd grade. Yep, pallin' around for sure.....

So while she is travelin' the country and talkin' to crowds of mostly ignorant folk who seem to have been sleepin' these past eight years, and incitin' the most blatant of racial hatred we have seen in some time by using her scare tactics on these poor schleps (hello, hitler anyone?) by screaming that Barack Hussein Obama is un-Amercian, or pals around with terrorists, she seems to be doin' nothin' but makin' her own party seem pitiful. And by the way, dear McPalin. The lipstick is too thick again! Did you forget First Dude's affiliation with the fine old Alaska Independence Party, the one that you sent that fine old "good luck to ya and god bless" recorded message to just a year ago? You remember that party, the AIP? The one that hates all things American.

A rumor also abounds that she applauds Tina Fey on her 15 minutes of fame. Hello? Tina Fey has at least 30 minutes of fame every week during the TV season with her own show, and is known to millions from her stellar SNL life.

Palin. Meet Emmy. Emmy. Slap Palin upside the head! And the meat of the rumor is that Palin wishes to go on SNL and play Tina Fey! Say it ain't so?! Nooooooo. Lorne Michaels has some integrity, please!

Next up Palin blames Couric for screwing her in the interviews, and thus all other interviews are quashed barring Sean Hannity on Fox who seems to pant after McPalin like a rabbit in heat.

After we took the time yesterday to read Rolling Stone's McCracker article, we needed to sleep with the lights on. How in this world did we get here? To a place where our choice, if one is Republican, is a man who has the values of a spoiled rich boy who thinks he deserves everything he wishes for without the grit and work required to achieve it? And if you think we are crazy, how about taking the time to read this.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/coverstory/make_believe_maverick_the_real_john_mccain/page/1

So Lulu and Phoebe and want you to go pop the popcorn, put some in a sack and mail it to them post haste. Buttered. Lightly salted.

They also wish you to watch the debate with the sound off. It is certainly more entertainin' that way. And if you are at all skilled like they are at smellin' stuff and hearin' stuff from deep down under, then it will be easy to hear the crap fallin' before you have to actually smell it. Nose plugs anyone?

You betcha!

October 5, 2008: A Postcard to the Mean Girl, Sarah McPain

2008-10-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Mean Girls Stink!

Dear Mean Sarah McPain,

I, Phoebe, and Lulu, are sending you back your club pin and autographed/ lipsticked photo because we cannot include it in our election scrapbook. We are very sorry to tell you this because we thought that you looked very cute (for an 8th grader!) the other night, but after your rude behavior this weekend we have no other choice.

Besides, our Mom made us and she even called you a biywitch. What is that by the way? Are you were related to the Wicked Witch of the West? Lulu says not. She said that scary Pastor Muthee did some voodoo to ward of the witches, so you can't be related to Glinda, the good witch, either! Lulu said biywitch is a female canine! Holy biscuit! What kind of dog are you?

We looked at the weekend news this morning, and sure enough! Mean Girl!!!! We've met some mean girls before and they always end up in the same place! At the vet's office getting "neutered". Be careful!

First, it was silly-mean of you to say that Senator Obama is pals with terrier-ists. We are not personal friends with him at all, but we would love to be. Boston Terrier-ists all over the country would love to meet him, but I don't think he is friends with any of them! And if you are talking about that man, Mr. Ayers, who is a professor in Chicago, then lots of his students are in big trouble, aren't they? Cause they are friends with him too! Wow. You have a pretty good imagination for make-believe stuff. Kind of like the same way you make-believe that you could be President!

Then we also read that you said that Katie Couric annoyed you and so you were mean to her! That is just not nice. We've known Katie a lot longer than you and that is a dumb thing to do to someone who is so popular with all the other kids. And we heard that you were mad at her cause she asked you lots of questions you didn't want to answer. You did that to Gwennie Ifill too! You said you wouldn't answer questions you didn't want to, and everyone says you didn't answer any of them! Wow, you are sure adding up the mean girl points here.

Tell you what! Lulu and I will hold a page for you in our scrapbook in hopes that you get nicer and learn what Mom calls humility. It is something, she tells us, that might result from an Achilles heel lesson! You apparently never met Achilles either? He is a very nice French Bulldog who lives in Paris. We are good friends with him. And as far as we know, he heels quite well these days because he has lots of lessons with his trainer!

We have some suggestions for you that might help you quit being a mean girl. First, try some yoga. We do yoga for dogs on a regular basis and find that it helps keep you balanced, and frankly, regular. A bitty little poop afterward, followed by a treat, and we think that might just be the trick for you too.

Next, lighten up on the lipstick. It could be that putting it on too thick makes your lips want to scrunch up under the weight of it all and ramble off any old brain fart.

Think before talking! We were taught that thinking before we woof always makes for a more expressive and impressive communication! Try it! We find that humans always listen to us if we woof thoughtfully! And our mom tends to drink less if we do!

And by the way, very sorry for the creases in the photo we are returning! We had to fold it a bit to get it into the poop bag, because we only have access to the used ones. We certainly hope the leftover poop didn't ruin it, and we hope we put enough postage on it! I found a perfectly good 2 cent stamp in the garbage, so I used that.

Sincerely (not),

Lulu and Phoebe
co-presidents of the Terrior-ists girls club- no mean biywitch girls allowed

UPDATE!!!!!

Oh dear! Apparently yesterday in Carson, CA, in Orange County (another shade of red), Palin told the rally crowd of 5 that she read her Starbucks coffee cup quote that morning and wow! It was a Madeleine Albright quote. So she told the crowd that M.A. had said: "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other women." Meaning her! Mean girl!

WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!! You may be able to toot on the flute you mean girl, but you can't even read the sentence correctly! It goes like this : "There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't help other women." - from M.A. It wasn't even a political statement either. Here is the linky:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/05/palin-misquotes-albright_n_131967.html

Lulu and I are so so embarrassed that you would make this weekend mean girl thing a trifecta, that we are taking back our offer to hold open that page in our scrapbook. It will now go to Madeleine Albright! Right after we read her latest book, The Mighty and the Almighty!

Our mom is already opening the bottle of wine and it isn't even 2Pm! Good thing we tivo'd Saturday Night Live for her! SP! How could you! Madeleine Albright is a national treasure. Argh.

October 3, 2008: A Postcard to Our Idols!

2008-10-03T08:24:00.000-07:00

post debate stupor......

Dearest Senators Obama, and McCracker, um, McPalin, um, Mc,Cain,

Lulu and I just wanted to drop a line and tell you how wonderful last night's debate was - so magical and delicious! Your underlings are so adorable, both of them.

We are writing with the hope that you can send us their autographed photos with club pins so we can add them to our scrapbook of idols. Our mom told us that it wasn't American Idol, but she was wrong wrong wrong! But one thing puzzled us. How come no one sang? We tried the mute on the remote more than once, and we even selected different languages, but still. No singing. We have to say, that was a bit of a disappointment, but overall we were still really excited to see the 3rd and 4th runner's up going head to toe, so to speak!

Can you clear up a couple of facts for us so we can enter them into our "Idol" scrapbook? First, what grade is Sarah Palin in? I, Phoebe thought she would be in 11th grade cause she got to wear lots of make-up and really high heeled shoes. I learned recently that those are called stilettos! Lulu apparently knows all about those and she said they were not Louboutins whatever that means.

Anyway, Lulu thought Sarah Palin might be in 8th grade and because it was such a special night, she got to wear stilettos and make-up. Is 8th grade right? Cause if it is, I lose the bet and have to paste all the photos into the scrapbook, and missing an opposable thumb, you have no idea how long that takes! I hope I win!

We weren't sure if Sarah was winking at us, but we thought so. We heard the shout-out to some third grade, and it might have been our class, if only our mother would send us to school. We hate home schooling if you really want to know! BORING!!!!

Both of us thought the other Idol was adorable and so fluffy! He must be the oldest one in the finals this year, huh? Oh wait! Isn't there another runner up who is older? When did Idol raise the age limit? Well, anyway, he sure was fun to watch. Lulu thought his suit was rad, but wondered how come he didn't get to wear Zenga? He deserved it! She also thought Sarah's suit was a bit subdued, but happy to see it was tailored well. Lulu seems to know all about those things because her clothes are tailored too. Something about being petite. Something I, Phoebe, know nothing about because I get to wear off the rack. Like O'Biden apparently.

One last question before we sign off. Who is Dick Cheney? They talked about him and his powers and we have never seen him on Idol before. Can he sing? Does he have anything on the charts? And if he did have too much power, as contestant Biden said, how come no one sent him to his room? Or wait! Is that how come we haven't seen him? Is in time-out? And why was there a big hush when Sarah said she wanted to be just like him and even more! Wouldn't that be important if she ends up being the 2nd runner up and the really really old Idol contestant, McCain wins? Cause you know, she could have a bigger hit album than him! It's happened before.

And since she is still in 11th grade (haha Lulu, I am writing, so I get to say it!) doesn't she have tons of time to do like Britney Spears, and have a couple of meltdowns and come-backs? And still be our Idol?!

Ohoh. Have to go now. Mom is coming in and it is her computer! She hates when we send postcards. I don't know why. The last one we sent was to Nancy Regan complimenting her on her husband's role in Star Wars. We heard that from you, Senator McCain at the last debate! So we rented the movie, and there he was, but we didn't know he played a big monkey, but he did it so well. Anyway, our Mom found the postcard where we told Mrs. Regan that her husband was a great monkey in Star Wars. Mom is totally house trained, yet she peed on the floor. Ugh. That was not a good day at all!

Ok. Bye for now. And please settle our bet. I really really want to win! But if you are too busy to write back, could you ask Tina Fey if she will fill in, cause we think she is totally a better Sarah Palin than Sarah Palin. Maybe Tina Fey can sing?

Oh oh. One last thing. Lulu reminded me. Can you send us some of Sarah's letter "g's" that littered the floor last night at the Idol debate? Apparently the end of her words didn't need all those "g's"! Can Sarah autograph those too?

Your fans,

Lulu and Phoebe (the Boston Terriers from California!)

September 30, 2008: McCracker! You Forgot Someone!

2008-09-30T12:25:00.000-07:00

Seriously. This we could not make up if we tried six ways to Saturday. Instead of the link, here is the whole article because it has to be a joke, but since there was no punch line, we think that McCain has perhaps left his brain back with Ronald Reagan and we all know where he is these days.....

The conclusion: He has totally lost his freaking mind. Yes, the Palin has ambition, and yes she is a Governor, but even Ronald Reagan could speak in complete sentences. And if we are not mistaken, both Bill and Ronnie could correctly pronounce the word, nuclear.

It seems rather fitting that McCain left out one other infamous Governor of note: George W. Bush. Seems she and George share a fair number of similarities but perhaps McCain's memory works better long term because he fails to readily recall his last best friend these days. And who else but these two twins, Palin/Bush, long separated at birth could famously screw this up....say it all together now: nucuuuuuuulurrrrr.

And um, Sen. McCracker? Who exactly is running for Prez in your party? Palin or you?

"McCain: Palin the next Clinton or Reagan

Posted: 10:55 AM ET

From CNN Ticker Producer Alexander Mooney
Palin is being underestimated, just as Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton were." McCain said Monday Palin is being underestimated, just as Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton were.

(CNN) – Sarah Palin may just be the next Ronald Reagan or Bill Clinton — two previous governors underestimated by the national media who went on to win the White House, John McCain said Monday.

Appearing alongside Palin in an interview on CBS, McCain reiterated his confidence in the Alaska governor, even as several conservatives suggested she is unqualified for the No. 2 spot on a national ticket.

"This is not the first time that I've seen a governor being questioned by some quote, 'expert,' " McCain told CBS' Katie Couric as Palin looked on. "I remember that Ronald Reagan was a 'cowboy.' President Clinton was a governor of a very small state that had 'no experience' either. I remember how easy it was going to be for Bush I to defeat him.

"But the point is I've seen underestimation before," McCain added. "I'm very proud of the excitement that Gov. Palin has ignited with our party and around this country. It is a level of excitement and enthusiasm, frankly, that I haven't seen before. And I'd like to attribute it to me. But the fact is that she has done incredible job. And I'm so proud of the work that she's doing."

The comments come after Palin's widely panned interview with Couric last week during which the Republican VP candidate struggled through several answers on her foreign policy credentials and the proposed economic bailout. The comments instantly became fodder for late-night comedians and prompted criticism from several conservative corners that Palin appeared to be in over her head. But a counter-chorus has also emerged, as supporters have publicly urged the campaign not to keep Palin so isolated from the media and to allow her unfiltered audience interaction.

“Holding Sarah Palin to just three interviews and microscopically focusing on each interview I think has been a mistake,” former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney told MSNBC’s "Morning Joe" on Monday. “I think they'd be a lot wiser to let Sarah Palin be Sarah Palin. Let her talk to the media, let her talk to people."

But also in the interview with Couric on Monday, McCain decried "gotcha" journalism as he sought to downplay Palin's recent comments that suggested she would support crossing into Pakistan from the Afghanistan to root out terrorists.

"I understand this day and age of "gotcha" journalism, was that a pizza place?" McCain said regarding where Palin made the comments. "In a conversation with someone who you didn't hear … the question very well, you don't know the context of the conversation, grab a phrase. Gov. Palin and I agree that you don't announce that you're going to attack another country."

The comments came during Palin's visit to a cheesesteak restaurant in Philadelphia on Saturday night, when a voter asked if she supported a cross-border attack on Pakistan

"If that's what we have to do stop the terrorists from coming any further in, absolutely, we should," Palin responded, in comments that contradict McCain's long-standing position of consulting with Pakistan before carrying out attacks on terrorists within its borders."

September 29, 2008: The Debate - And Listening in to a Smurf Conversation

2008-09-28T16:47:00.001-07:00

Lulu told me that the sound of Obama's voice makes her want to relax and the sound of McCrackberry's voice makes her want to find the Bose noise canceling headsets. It seems she concurs with the pundits who think that McCrackberry came across as snippy, sneary and mean and a wee bit confused on the date since he kept referring Ronnie Ray-gun's administration which we all know was 324 years ago. And wasn't he President of Mars anyway? And Lulu wondered, since she studied the etiquette and rules of debate by Emily Post, how come McCracker wouldn't look at Obama or the camera (referring to us, the audience)? She asked me if there might be a teleprompter or a hidden iphone on his lectern since he rarely looked up and seemed to be constantly chattering - to himself. She was taken by the graceful, confident and calm manner that Sen. Obama seemed to have, looking at his opponent, calling him by name, giving him credit when due, and politely deferring to the moderator when called for. Lulu called him a mensch. With very large ears.

Phoebe, on the other hand, as we all know is very sensitive to any criticism or harsh words and had to leave the room, or put her paws over her eyes several times when McCracker sneered or whined with that edge in his voice that reminds her of a certain little guy who we presently call Mr. President. She used the Bose noise canceling head sets quite a lot that evening and had to have a long session afterward listening to Yo Yo Ma. Cello sonatas calm her little sensibilities.

Phoebe had an insight and for that we are celebrating because Phoebe insights do not happen all that often. The last insight she had was, um, never. Good for her. She actually agreed with an extra-large sized Santa looking character who was a "conservative" pundit on CNN. Now that gave us pause. But her logic was fitting for a dog who rarely snorts out insightful tidbits. It seems the Santa-like pundit says that Obama acted as though it would be his policy to work diplomatically to "get along with everyone through talking" (saying it as though "talking" was a stupid thing) but McCrackberry would be more like a "sheriff", shooting up anyone who wasn't with us (where have we heard that before?).

So her conclusion was simple: do we want a President who first uses diplomacy as a means to get along in the world, or do we want a sheriff who seems to be an awful lot like someone we've seen before. Who was it? Ah yes. Woody, the animated character from Toy Story. "Reach for the sky!" as he whips out his fake sidearm. Mon dieu.

Resting for nearly 16 hours after the debate which totally wore them out, Lulu and Phoebe insisted on having a burger for lunch in Palo Alto. We sat down next to a couple, a woman who was 134 and a man in his 80's. Cute that she was dating a younger man, huh?

The menu requires a little bit of work cause you have to think about what kind of burger to order and both Lulu and Phoebe were lobbying for cheese on theirs. Occupied, I failed to notice that the woman was wearing not only a cap that said something about winning in Iraq, odd enough by itself, but a tee shirt that said something astounding. Wait for it. "Palinista". I'm hesitant to let you click the link and give them the traffic, but heck, it's worth it.

http://www.cafepress.com/melaniemorgan.303767353

Yes. Indeed. It sported a large picture of palin-wonder-woman and the bottom said Palin for Vice President. Like the office of Veep had its very own election. Oh were it so! I tell you, I was so stunned I could not complete my order and had to try three times before I got it right. I was mesmerized having never seen a real live Smurf Village resident! What are they doing visiting California?

Then the conversation began. Or should I say the snippets of sound. First up: "blah blah blah how wonderful they chose to live is Wazeeeeeeeeeela in their own house instead of the Governor's mansion. So down to earth. "

Curiously, Alaska does have a Governor's mansion, a cross between Martha Stewart's house and Gone with the Wind's Tara.

Next up: "blah blah blah debate. That Obama man was just lying you could tell he was lying just lying. Blah blah blah his body language that is how you tell he lies body language."
Seriously. Even Lulu and Phoebe were uncharacteristically quiet at these utterances. Fortunately her boyfriend just let her ramble on with no comment, which makes me think that their dating days are numbered! Hello! Politics on the first date is a big no no!!

Thankfully they left right after our food arrived or otherwise I might not have had the pleasure of eating my child sized burger topped with olives, carrots and salad covered with pickles and american cheese. Told you I was really distracted when I ordered it! Didn't matter though. Lulu and Phoebe enjoy all those ingredients and they don't care if pickles touch the salad.

Lulu and Phoebe's conclusion? 1. Don't eat where the Smurfs might visit. 2. Watch the debate only after consuming tons of coffee to avoid somnolence. And. 3. Do not forget to check and make sure your voter registration is active!!!!

And last, but most important: order cheddar cheese on the burger please, and hold the pickles and shaved carrots.

September 28, 2008: Trousers Alert! "McPalin Saved From Witchcraft" Scary!

2008-09-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

http://mudflats.wordpress.com/2008/09/25/palin-and-the-witch-hunter-chapter-ii/

FF to 6:58 to reach the SP part - it is a bit long but Mudflat has the great moments timed which you can see here: http://community.adn.com/adn/node/131844

So aside from the scary notion that Palin would need to be blessed to keep away witches before her gubernatorial run, it seems that she wore.....wait for it.............baggy trousers!

Yes! Yes!

It is worth it to watch the video if for nothing else. And wait! No stilettos either, or at least none that we can see. So the tighty pencil skirt and stilettos and the librarian porn hair are the fantasy of the campaign gurus. Genius! And almost funny. But not.

Lulu and Phoebe ran for the hills, scared of the "voice" coming from the computer, especially when the Pastor Muthee from Kenya began yodeling for Jesus and the witches all in the same sentence. One has to wonder about what witchcraft he speaks of that one could find in Alaska? Some one's been watching a little too much Wizard of Oz we think.

Maybe clicking her heels, she could find herself in, um, Pakistan? We hear the President would just love to give you a hug, Gov. McPalin. And here's the photo! Can anyone send her a ticket? Don't worry. She is used to flying coach since she "sold" the Governor's plane on ebay.....

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/24/palin.pakistan/

September 27, 2008: Exclusive Report from Stell-a to Lulu and Phoebe!

2008-09-27T15:42:00.000-07:00

Moments ago, Lulu and Phoebe received this report from Stell-a, Boston Terrier extraordinaire, who is their East Coast Correspondent. Stell-a, if you have not heard, comes from the Helen Thomas school of Journalism - frank, witty, and like a dog with a bone gets her story no matter what!

While Lulu and Phoebe anxiously await news of a bailout plan for Walmart, oops, Wall St., they have begun to script their analysis of last night's debate. First up, though is their 16 hour nap. They told us that the rhetoric was exhausting, but they would be up to the task in a matter of hours. That is, if they weren't called away by some other emergency. When asked what kind of emergency, they stated that running low on dog biscuits is an example, but it would be more likely to be that they ran out of coffee.

Peets anyone?

So here it is: Lulu and Phoebe's Election blog is the first to post this interview, an exclusive from Stell-a, East Coast Correspondent.

Deeer Loolooo and Peepee,

Hullo. Stell-a heer. New Why House Reportah.

Howwah u? Ahm fine, tanks for assking. Butt economee is in deep shitpaw.

Stell-a had xclusif intervu wid Barney, key Why House advisur.

Stella: Hullo Sexxy.

Barney: Woof!

Stella: Is tru dat u r chef arkitect for Seven Billyon Bizkit Reskew Plan?

Barney: Woof! Woof!

Stella: Ok. No kneed to showt. Is tru dat perpose of Plan is to perchase sub-prime beefe that bankz cross countree have in there fridje?

Barney: Woof.

Stella: Pretty shitpaw plan, no?

Barney: Woof!!

Stella: Barney, u maybe sexxee but u sur r stoopid!

Barney: Woof! Woof!

Stella: Stoopid like a cock-a-poo. Woof?

Barney: Woof!

Stella: Ok...... Do u tink Henree Paulson sexxee?

Barney: Definitely.

September 26, 2008: Noon PST: McCrackberry Wins Debate! Really?

2008-09-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

Mother goats with bluebell smurf whiskers! McCrackberry wins debate that has not happened yet! Or. Wait! The universe has a time rip and it is actually tomorrow already. Yessss, that's it. And the fault belongs to none other than the stars of our show, Lulu and Phoebe, which is why they have that "ohoh trouble" look on their cute little mugs. I told them not to toss that special little ball around - the one with the universe floating in the middle. Oops.

Chargrined, the duo do a bit of research and find that indeed, the McCrackberry campaign has placed an ad in today's Wall Street Journal:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/images/26Sep_Friday_WSJ.JPG

And here is the link to Salon where we found this info:

http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2008/09/26/mccain_wins/index.html

After a good old snort fest, complete with saliva splattered monitor, the duo realize they haven't really upset the universe after all.

Their theory: our universe is still exactly where we last placed it. But unfortunately, McPains universe is suffering from a few cracks. Nothing a little smurf glue won't fix. Someone from Smurf Village please send them a tube, or a gallon. They might need more as time speeds by, um, at a slightly different rate. Speaking of, check the postage rate for sending a parcel to another universe first! It might be cheaper to send it to Russia first so they can toss it over to Palin's house. Who knows. It might land on her front step.

September 25, 2008: She Can See Russia. I Can See France!

2008-09-23T18:46:00.000-07:00

And Phoebe and Lulu can see your underpants! Seriously. They can. At 12 and 14 inches high, that isn't very difficult to do if you wear a skirt. Hummm. Maybe a tighty pencil skirt with stilettos? And if I close my eyes and drift, and translate the time difference, I can see Parisians eating croissants and drinking cafe express. Damn them. I digress.

I don't think that any of us will forget the infamous "I can see Russia from Alaska" line. And Palin stands by her words says this article in Salon:

http://www.salon.com/wires/ap/2008/09/25/D93DU9MG4_palin/index.html?source=refresh

....."Palin's foreign policy experience came up when she gave her first major interview, on Sept. 11 to ABC News. Asked what insight she had gained from living so close to Russia, she said: "They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska......

When Couric asked how Alaska's closeness to Russia enhanced her foreign policy experience, Palin said, "Well, it certainly does because our ... our next-door neighbors are foreign countries." Alaska shares a border with Canada....."

Lulu and Phoebe were wondering about that geographic fact, so I showed them Alaska on the globe, then Russia. And we even narrowed the map to Wasilla, and sure enough, if you are standing on the globe and at 4 inches high, you can indeed spot Russia. However, we are talking about a Rand McNally globe that is about 15 inches in diameter. Size that up to our real globe that we call home, or planet Earth, and Palin would have to be 8752.12 feet tall to see Russia from her home. And only if she was wearing special glasses. Which apparently she does. With lipstick.

Too bad those specs don't come with a brain-chip enhancement that allows one to speak ad-lib just a little bit better than George W. If you have been a slave to the wires and press in the world called Palin and McCrackberry, then you know what we are talking about. But just in case you are well adjusted, and secure, and live in a smurf village, click the link above.

Indeed.

Lulu and Phoebe want to send Barracud-ass a globe for the holidays, but they haven't been able to find one that offers pronunciations as well as spelling. She quite clearly went to the same school as George W. You know that place. It's where nuclear, is actually NUCULRRRRR. So if you know of any speaking globes that pronounce things slooooowly, please let us know.

Today, Lulu and Phoebe have only one thing on their minds. They want to know if the Clay Aiken fans from this website are the same people who think Palin is a natural for this mighty position because she is a hockey mom/mayor/governor/barracud-ass gun toting mama? If that might be true then apparently they all live in a smurf village. And just for fun, here you go:

"One really sad thing for me that sums this up. This morning at the breakfast table my 9 and 10 year olds were there and the radio was on and they came on with the headline "FOrmer American Idol..." and I knew what was coming and I ran to turn it off. I didn't want my young children to hear that and ask questions about it. To me this is the saddest thing and the reason I won't be able to hold him as my idol. I remember the day when I ran to turn it on and called all the family to watch with pride. It just seems so in your face now and I don't want exposing my kids to this. "

"I just feel rather silly now having spent the last 5 years drooling over and being fan girly for a singer I thought was straight and now finding out he is gay. It does change my perception of who he is and how I see him. We always called him our boyfriend and that won't be happening anymore."

http://theclayboard.yuku.com/topic/26806/t/Upcoming-People-Magazine-Cover-and-Article-PLS-READ.html

Lulu and Phoebe want to me to locate and drive through Smurf village someday because they hear the kool-aid is mighty good. It seems to be more popular than Evian. I think not.

Kudos to Clay. And seriously. Who didn't know???? And Palin? Buy a freaking Rosetta Stone English language version and get busy! Please. And send us your address so Santa can bring you a talking globe......

September 23, 2008: Where Has All the Money Gone?

2008-09-23T10:04:00.001-07:00

Let's see. Under the mattress? In the dog bowl? Wait. Lulu has the answer! She says into the gas tank thingy and Phoebe pipes in and says into treats. Always with the treats, that girl!

But seriously, Lulu and Phoebe are pretty much as broke as they were the other day, but they do have a few things to say about the silly market.

First, they read that McCain, as Prez-eee-dent wishes to fire the SEC chair. Hahahahaha. Get in line and get a law. You can't, you moron of the day. Next, he'll want to be firing the CEO of crackberry for forgetting to name the contraption after him....McCrackberry. There you go.

Next, they heard a wonderful NPR broadcast, a Carly Fiorina interview. If Bostons could choke on saliva snorting out loud these two would be two drowned rats. At best they got the windows soaked with spit, and at worst, they leaked pee in their car seats. Yes, we were tooling down the road on $465.13 worth of gas to go five miles to fetch the Dad when they heard this interview. CF was asked by the NPR interviewer: Could Palin run a corporation? CF: No. Silence. CF: Neither could McCrackberry, nor Obama, nor Biden. CF said something like this: It is a fallacy to think that running a country is the same as running a corporation.

Really Carly? Are you sure? Cause even George W. has a bizillion trillion $ budget and HP only had a few billion and change-ish. And you got your tush tossed from HP, so perhaps you only speculate at what you don't know? Ah, but you are working with the McCrackberry campaign...so you must be, what? Running a country?

When the NPR reporter ended the interview, she noted that HP's budget under CF was about 80 billion. And George W.'s budget is multi-trillion. Hummm. And that is when those two clowns totally lost it. I had to wash the car, and the car seats. No more afternoon NPR for them!

No wonder we all own a bunch of new investment banking and insurance companies now.

Lulu and Phoebe close this broadcast (really, way too much NPR for them!) with a reminder to remember how much fun the last 8 years have been. They encourage you to read this great article in Salon. If they can read it, so can you! Although, Lulu was seriously disappointed to realize that Salon was a magazine rather than a shoe salon.......

http://www.salon.com/opinion/kamiya/2008/09/23/letter_to_independents/

September 18, 2008: Oh. Oh. The Anchorage Daily News Called and Doesn't Want Her Back Either!!!

2008-09-18T14:10:00.002-07:00

Lulu and Phoebe discuss the election (or perhaps who has the ball)

"Palin butts into McCain talk

The Associated Press

Published: September 18th, 2008 07:12 AM
Last Modified: September 18th, 2008 07:12 AM

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - Sarah Palin, cloistered since her surprise pick as the Republican Party's vice presidential candidate, symbolically butted in and answered her first question from a member of the public since joining the ticket.

The Alaska governor, appearing at a town hall with GOP presidential nominee John McCain Wednesday night, interrupted him, saying, "John, John, can I add something?"

McCain, smiling, replied, "Always."

Palin argued that McCain's support for sending thousands more U.S. troops to Iraq put the country on the cusp of victory and was freeing it to focus elsewhere in its battle against terrorists.

"We must win there so that we can win in Afghanistan also," Palin said. "He knows how to win a war."

Palin also rebuffed criticism that she doesn't have enough foreign policy experience to assume the presidency, if necessary.

"If you want specifics and specific policy or countries, go ahead, you can ask me. You can even play stump-the-candidate if you want," Palin challenged her questioner."

Lulu and Phoebe are fans of Shrek. Especially fond of the opening where the Eddie Murphy's character, Donkey jumps up and down, much like Palin, and yells out "PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME" makes them roll with snorty laughter followed by a firm woof woof. They make me (the one with opposable thumbs) snap the remote back to this same scene over and over until they start to pee with laughter, which is where I call it quits!

Reading them this article, they giggled, and snorted with extra saliva at the hilarity of Palin pretending to be the Donkey. And even then, after they finished wooting in laughter accented by farts rather than pee this time, they both suddenly took pause. Holy Balenciga, said Lulu. Woof said Phoebe. Palin wants to take over the Donkey role? Ah, the figure of speech that leads to all kinds of imagery........

Nooo, I tell them. She wishes to be a very conservatively gray elephant that stomps her way to Washington, where some elephants currently hold the title for biggest (and here we go again with the imagery) asses on the planet. But unlike Eddie Murphy's Donkey, Palin is not ready for prime time.

Lulu and Phoebe's conclusion? Read lots more of the very entertaining Anchorage Daily News. They might be the first to say she has flubbed the audition but good. And they are not sure they want her back. http://www.adn.com/

The remedy? Lulu and Phoebe remember with clarity the day that The View's Sherrie Shepherd said that the world was flat. Perhaps, if that is true (Sherrie, are you related to the equally geography challenged Sarah?) then maybe the two of you could go for a little bitty drive to this wonderful resort that is located just off the Bridge to Nowhere, located on the edge of the flat world. Sarah can tell you how to get there. She can see a bit of Russia from there, that Bridge to Nowhere.

September 17, 2008: NY Post Page Six Gossip: Secret Stylist for Sarah

2008-09-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

Always perky when I read them the Page Six gossip, Lulu and Phoebe were rapt, but puzzled. Phoebe asked, Sarah who? The Dutchess of York? Lulu wasn't quite sure how to reply because she was confused by the word stylist and Sarah (Palin) in the same sentence. It seems the two obviously couture-sensitive Boston Terriers smell something funny!

From today's Page Six:

"HOCKEY mom Sarah Palin not only wore lipstick to the Republican National Convention, the vice-presidential candidate wore a shantung silk Valentino jacket worth $2,500.

Insiders tell Page Six Palin has a secretive circle of stylists who dress her for events. For her big speech in St. Paul, where she accepted the GOP's vice-presidential nod, this fashion-conscious team encouraged the Alaska governor to splurge on a $2,500 jacket from Saks Fifth Avenue designed by Valentino Garavani.

Palin, shunning the pantsuits favored by Hillary Clinton, wore the top during her first big speech, where she told McCain's delegates: "I was just your average hockey mom, and signed up for the PTA because I wanted to make my kids' public education better."

But she's springing for designer labels. One source familiar with Palin's primping posse told us, "They do not want the American public to know that Palin is using stylists or that she is paying for expensive clothes this early on in the campaign."

We spoke to someone on Palin's styling team, who told us, "I did a little bit of personal styling, but I can't discuss anything I've done with Sarah Palin. I'm not sure which designs she wore . . . anything related to working with her is confidential."

Presidential nominee John McCain's wife, Cindy, recently took some heat after Vanity Fair itemized the cost of her wardrobe during her RNC speech with Laura Bush to a whopping $300,000 worth of designer wear and diamonds.

A representative for Valentino confirmed Palin wore one of his designs during her convention speech, but said she did not buy it from a Valentino store. Palin's reps had no comment."

If you haven't heard a Boston Terrier laugh, just picture two little piggies snorting aloud and tossing a good deal of saliva with it. And there you have it! A good laugh.

It's the war of the tighty pencil skirt and stilettos v. the pantsuit. The sisters have something to say about this. SNOOZE!!! Did you think that Palin didn't have a stylist? Did you think she went to Kmart and purchased her big television debut outfit? Puuuhhhhleeeeze! Lulu was appalled at the Jacket and thought it looked rather St. John! Phoebe was concentrating on the stilettos. In fact, Phoebe then told me she has run into several hockey moms who wore stilettos! In France. On the street corner mostly after dark. On Rue Joubert actually. I asked her how she knew they were hockey moms? After all, it was France. Pheobe, with total conviction, said: They were wearing lipstick!

So I asked her if she ever ran into a "hockey mom" wearing a pantsuit? Uh uh. She thought for a moment. Not in France. And not on the street corner. But she does recall seeing lots of pant-suited women running around the nation's capital. Perhaps that is what the McCain/Palin campaign mean by Real Change! No more pantsuits allowed in the nation's capitol! Only tighty pencil skirts with real stilettos like all hockey moms wear.

Oh, and lipstick.

You will have to pardon Lulu today. She is off her game. Once she realized that we were talking about hockey moms and not real couture, and in particular, St. John, her eyes glazed and she fell asleep listening to Bach.

The conclusion for today's blog comes from Phoebe. She suggests that perhaps there is something lurking beneath the tighty pencil skirt that wouldn't want to be photographed in pants. Perhaps it is a slouching, overachieving deceptive barracud-ass.

September 16, 2008: Tina Fey Sexist says Carly Fiorina and McCain to Wall St. Rescue with a 9/11-like Commission!

2008-09-16T11:24:00.000-07:00

From TV Guide online:

McCain Advisor Calls Tina Fey 'Sexist' Viewers liked Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live, and so did Sarah Palin. But another member of Team McCain says Fey's portrayal was sexist. "Well, I think she looked a bit like her," former Hewlett Packard CEO Carly Fiorina said on MSNBC. "I think, of course, the portrait was very dismissive of the substance of Sarah Palin, and so in that sense, they were defining Hillary Clinton as very substantive, and Sarah Palin as totally superficial. "I think that continues the line of argument that is disrespectful in the extreme, and yes, I would say, sexist in the sense that just because Sarah Palin has different views than Hillary Clinton does not mean she lacks substance. She has a lot of substance." The 30 Rock creator may be weirded-out to be accused of sexism. As SNL's first female head writer, she's helped women move ahead in entertainment — just as Fiorina did for women in technology. Were you offended by Fey's portrayal? Watch it again below and tell us what you think. — Tim Molloy

Lulu and Phoebe merely farted at the suggestion that their beloved Tina Fey would be a sexist! Strangely enough both agree that Ms. Fiorina did something for women in technology, but it sure wasn't anything good! In fact, if anything, she might have taught them how to piss a company in to the toilet, flush it but good, and blame everyone and everything else for their own incompetence. Wait! Where have we heard that before?

Tina Fey did an excellent job defining the one dimensional character we call Palin. She nailed the nuances and the fervor right on. Kudos to her for demonstrating through that comedic skit what many of us have seen and known since the powers that be behind the McCain campaign tossed her into our living rooms. Lulu feels that this is personal. Tina Fey is one of her favorites. And Phoebe would like to extract both Karl Rove and Carly Fiorina out of the McCain campaign and have the McCain- man speak for himself.

Both of them have left the majority of typing up to me since their dog-gas is quite debilitating after reading the morning news. Or, as they would say, they were banned from the room for a bit just in case someone lights a match.

But before they left, Lulu and Phoebe left instructions for poor Wall Street. GROW A PAIR! Find some in a drawer vacated by the tumbling employees rolling out the doors with their resumes in hand on the way to landing a job at Starbucks. Oh wait. They closed a bunch of those stores too. Ok. How about if we unleash McCain with his plan he outlined in Good Morning America this morning that made both Lulu and Phoebe spit out their food. A 9/11 like commission???? Seriously? Wow. That would definitely help, in about 45 years - when it is documented in some textbook how miserably the 9/11 commission failed to do its job and the follow-up Wall St. 9/11 like commission also failed to do its job too. Yikes. Woof. Yeah, let us spend millions to study why Wall St. is falling apart. That'll help.

How about doing it the way Lulu and Phoebe suggest which is to begin again with some sense of ethical integrity, no George W. and friends anywhere on the block, and hire the brains of pooches like Lulu, Phoebe, Dr. Fruitface, G-man, and oh, ok. Alan Greenspan. Now that would be a committee.

Pht to Carly Fiorina and double Pht to McCain and his 9/11 like Wall St. Commission idea!

September 10, 2008 : FOX News: Oprah Boycott Launched

2008-09-10T14:54:00.000-07:00

http://elections.foxnews.com/2008/09/10/gop-womens-group-boycotts-oprah-for-refusing-to-book-palin/

Hehehehehe. Even Boston Terriers can giggle! We really enjoyed this article. FOX news is one of the places we love to go read early in the day to see if the world is still standing, from the viewpoint of a pin-headed hall monitor!

We loved this article. A group of Republican women (not women dogs mind you!) are calling for a boycott of all things Oprah because it was speculated (Phoebe learns big words everyday from Lulu who just finished her second reading of War and Peace) that Ms. Winfrey was against having Tina Fey, oh oh, we mean Sarah Palin on her show and that is just wrong! Who wouldn't want an articulate former beauty queen sportscaster, banner of all things DH Lawrence (ok, that is a myth, but we liked the sound of it) who can read a teleprompter with such finesse to not be on the Oprah show? After all, if she have Tom Cruise on the show, why not Tina Fey!

Pheebs: Well I just think that is terrible. Something awful. That must hurt her feelings! After all, who wouldn't want to see Sarah Palin on the Oprah show. She could sing her new hit song, maybe dish a bit about what it was like to be a former beauty queen and the big one - she could tell us all how to find eyeglasses just like hers! I know I would like a pair of those!

Lulu: Pheebs! She doesn't sing! Doesn't have a hit song! Oy. Don't you read anything all the way through? Sheesh. Palin is one of the more important women in the world right now. Way more important than even Condie Rice, or Margaret Thatcher. Or Madeleine Albright, or Madame Curie, or even Britney Spears! She's bigger than American Idol! Oprah should have her on the show right away because that would be the American thing to do. I am deeply disappointed in Oprah right now. How could she snub this fine fine woman who is destined to be President. Doesn't she want an invitation to the White House for Christmas?! And American women want to get to know her better and what better way than for her to read the teleprompter on the Oprah show?

Pheebs: Lulu - you have some good points for a misinformed dog! I heard that Tina has some of the best songs out there and she can belt them out with the best, like Britney or that other girl Jessica Simpson! Hey, is Jessica Simpson, Homer Simpson's other daughter? Ok ok. Back to Tina Fey. I say that it would be totally up to Oprah to decide cause it is her show after all. I don't think the government owns it yet, right?! And honestly, all Tina, I mean, Ms. Palin would have to do, is enter the YouTube Oprah contest that was just announced. It is for talented kids. I heard Tina has got lots of those! Kids, I mean, She could win a spot on the Oprah show if one or more of her kids has special talents. Anyway, don't worry so much about her being snubbed. So was that girl whose name I can't remember, but she had a vagina too. It happens.

Conclusion: Lulu says shame on you Oprah! We need to see Sarah Palin on your show post haste in order for there to be total fairness in politics and we all know that fairness is the bottom line in all things political! I know because I heard someone say that once on FOX!

And Pheebs says, use YouTube Tina Fey. Everyone else does! Even us! And Oprah can do what she wants! You aren't the boss of her, Tina.